I've noticed a significant decrease in the traffic here on the blog recently. Maybe it's because it's summer? Maybe it's my erratic posting? Maybe it's the content? Whatever the reason, ya'll just aren't reading as much as you used to. (sigh)
I've also noticed that when I post on highly personal topics the page views go WAY up! It makes me want to title all my posts with something personal and controversial just to get you to click on it. They call that "click bait". I promise I won't do that, but...
Here's my question...are you reading? Why do you read? What do you want to read? What don't you want to read.
I've got a lot going on in my life between my consulting business, Beautycounter, Scout & Cellar and my daily mother/wife activities, so this blog really is a labor of love, so a little blog love would be nice right now.
Bueller...Bueller...Bueller...
Showing posts with label keeping it real. Show all posts
Showing posts with label keeping it real. Show all posts
June 18, 2018
May 29, 2018
Keeping it Real: Letting Go of Friendship
One of my intentions for the new year (you can read the post here) was to focus more on the friendships that really matter...the ones that fuel my soul and leave me feeling supported and loved and warm and fuzzy.
In the process of identifying the friendships that mattered most to me, I game to grips with the fact that some of my "friendships" weren't truly friendships anymore. I struggle with letting friendships go. I think we all do. It's hard to let something go that once brought you joy and happiness. This "quote" really sums it up.
I read something once that said, "Not all friendships are meant to endure, and that's okay." I've had two friends over the last few years that have become strangers with memories. I spent time trying to make them "work", but they just haven't. I didn't feel the effort was mutual. In fact, it sometimes felt that there was no effort at all. Who knows, maybe they felt the same. It's hard not to take the losss of a friendship personally. But the reality is that life changes and friendships change and sometimes not all friendships endure, and that's okay. So despite some sadness, I've decided to move on.
In the process of moving on, I've realized that letting go of a friendship doesn't mean that I won't miss that friend. In fact, I will probably always miss them. We had good times. We made good memories. And just like with any loss, I need to allow myself time to grieve it.
With the intention of focusing on the friendships that matter most, I recently hopped a red-eye to Detroit to visit one of my dear friends for the weekend. Our time together reminded me that true friendship endures time and distance and the roller coaster that is life, and it is these friendships, the ones that leave me feeling warm and fuzzy, are the ones I should focus my energy on.
In the process of identifying the friendships that mattered most to me, I game to grips with the fact that some of my "friendships" weren't truly friendships anymore. I struggle with letting friendships go. I think we all do. It's hard to let something go that once brought you joy and happiness. This "quote" really sums it up.
I read something once that said, "Not all friendships are meant to endure, and that's okay." I've had two friends over the last few years that have become strangers with memories. I spent time trying to make them "work", but they just haven't. I didn't feel the effort was mutual. In fact, it sometimes felt that there was no effort at all. Who knows, maybe they felt the same. It's hard not to take the losss of a friendship personally. But the reality is that life changes and friendships change and sometimes not all friendships endure, and that's okay. So despite some sadness, I've decided to move on.
In the process of moving on, I've realized that letting go of a friendship doesn't mean that I won't miss that friend. In fact, I will probably always miss them. We had good times. We made good memories. And just like with any loss, I need to allow myself time to grieve it.
With the intention of focusing on the friendships that matter most, I recently hopped a red-eye to Detroit to visit one of my dear friends for the weekend. Our time together reminded me that true friendship endures time and distance and the roller coaster that is life, and it is these friendships, the ones that leave me feeling warm and fuzzy, are the ones I should focus my energy on.
May 25, 2018
Keeping it Real: Parenting
The last few months have been stressful in the parenting department. Words like psychologist, ADHD, evaluation, tutor, anxiety and a handful of others have been on top of mind. As anyone can imagine, these things make parenting really, really stressful. For any of you that have been here, you know what I'm talking about, and I assure you...you're not alone.
Long story short, the Mini Fashionista has been dealing with some anxiety. She has a hard time focusing on her school work because she is worried about what kids around her are doing. As I mentioned in a previous post, reading and writing are coming more slowly (but they are coming) and she compares herself to others in a detrimental way... often setting high and unrealistic expectations. While she has tremendous self confidence in many areas, she lacks self compassion in others.
If you read the blog regularly, you know that my go-to resource for all things parenting is Positive Parenting Solutions. If you have children between the ages of 2 and 18 I highly recommend checking it out (the Online Gold program is what I recommend).
A few months ago, amidst, the stress and worry, I listened to a one hour Expert Series in the Positive Parenting Solutions program on anxiety. The podcast was led by child psychologist Renee Jain of GoZen and it was, like all the information on PPS, so incredibly helpful.
A few highlights....
1) Worry is a natural and protective response. It is not bad to worry.
2) Reassuring your child that "everything will be okay" is not a helpful tool to cope with anxiety. Help them by labeling their feelings and emotions.
3) When your child is worried/anxious and you can't think of what to say. "I love you and you're safe" is always a good response.
4) The goal is not to be stress free, but to stress better.
5) Worry is exaggerated thinking. We should teach our kids not to be positive thinkers, but accurate thinkers.
Not only did I learn some great tips to help the Mini (and myself...let's be honest, we all deal with some level of worry and anxiety), but I was introduced to Renee's incredible website/tool, GoZen.
GoZen! provides informational programs to teach kids research-based coping, resilience, and happiness skills using online cartoon videos. The Mini Fashionista doesn't get a lot of screen time, so I knew she'd be up for watching the videos, regardless of the content.
Here's a look at the topics of some of the modules.
Long story short, the Mini Fashionista has been dealing with some anxiety. She has a hard time focusing on her school work because she is worried about what kids around her are doing. As I mentioned in a previous post, reading and writing are coming more slowly (but they are coming) and she compares herself to others in a detrimental way... often setting high and unrealistic expectations. While she has tremendous self confidence in many areas, she lacks self compassion in others.
If you read the blog regularly, you know that my go-to resource for all things parenting is Positive Parenting Solutions. If you have children between the ages of 2 and 18 I highly recommend checking it out (the Online Gold program is what I recommend).
A few months ago, amidst, the stress and worry, I listened to a one hour Expert Series in the Positive Parenting Solutions program on anxiety. The podcast was led by child psychologist Renee Jain of GoZen and it was, like all the information on PPS, so incredibly helpful.
A few highlights....
1) Worry is a natural and protective response. It is not bad to worry.
2) Reassuring your child that "everything will be okay" is not a helpful tool to cope with anxiety. Help them by labeling their feelings and emotions.
3) When your child is worried/anxious and you can't think of what to say. "I love you and you're safe" is always a good response.
4) The goal is not to be stress free, but to stress better.
5) Worry is exaggerated thinking. We should teach our kids not to be positive thinkers, but accurate thinkers.
Not only did I learn some great tips to help the Mini (and myself...let's be honest, we all deal with some level of worry and anxiety), but I was introduced to Renee's incredible website/tool, GoZen.
GoZen! provides informational programs to teach kids research-based coping, resilience, and happiness skills using online cartoon videos. The Mini Fashionista doesn't get a lot of screen time, so I knew she'd be up for watching the videos, regardless of the content.
Here's a look at the topics of some of the modules.
We've only gone through the whole program once, but I've already noticed on a number of instances where she refers to the concepts and strategies from the videos, so I know that she's paying attention and really absorbing the information. We will likely start it again in the coming weeks to re-inforce the strategies they provide.
If you have a child that is experiencing worry/anxiety I highly recommend this tool! So far it has been extremely helpful for our family. Also, feel free to reach out with any questions about how we are using it.
May 1, 2018
Keeping it Real: Outside of My Comfort Zone
Nearly 8 years ago I left Nike to start my own business. It took a lot of guts and a little bit of crazy to step away from a salary and such a well known brand, but I did it, and I haven't looked back since. In the past 8 years years I've learned that life is best lived with a little bit of guts, a little bit of crazy and a little outside of my comfort zone.
Today, on the nine year anniversary of starting this blog (CAN YOU BELIEVE IT??? NINE YEARS????), I'm once again going outside of my comfort zone and trying something new.
Over three years ago I started using Beautycounter. Beautycounter, which you should know if you read the blog regularly, is a skincare and cosmetics company committed to education and activism for safer products and regulations in the beauty industry. Today, I use their skincare, cosmetics and other products almost exclusively, and now I’ve decided to join the movement and sell Beautycounter. EEK (insert crazy/scared/excited face)!
My friend and C&C reader, Evie, has been encouraging me to sell Beautycounter for years, and I've been politely declining for years. About a month ago I decided to get a little crazy and say "yes."
As you know from reading C&C, I care a lot about about health, be that through exercise, diet or the products I use on myself and my family. Over the past three years as a Beautycounter customer, I have become more educated about the products I use on my body.
Did you know products labeled as natural and organic may still have harmful ingredients in them, both natural and chemical. The same thing that makes mascara black is used in car tires and that many of the blushes sold in the US have lead in them??? In fact, there are over 1500 ingredients that are restricted from beauty products in Europe but only 30 in the United States?
The beauty industry is regulated by the FDA but with very little oversight. Even when personal care products are recalled, they are not required to remove them from the shelf. As an education-first, B corporation (like brands such as Patagonia and Seventh Generation), Beautycounter is in Washington D.C and our state capitals lobbying to change this.
So why is this outside of my comfort zone? Despite being a natural salesperson, the idea of hosting "parties" or asking my friends to host "parties" is a little scary. I don't want friends to avoid me in fear that all I want to do is try to sell them moisturizer and mascara.
That said, I come from an authentic place in my support of this brand, and I intend to keep it that way. I have been using these products a long time. I believe in the products, and I believe in the mission of the company. It's about more than just skincare and makeup. It's about safer and better beauty.
I promise I won't bombard the blog with all things Beautycounter.
If you want to learn more, you can check out my FB page, Beautycounter and Beyond. I'll be posting information about Beautycounter as well as other resources and articles related to health and well being. You can also visit my Beautycounter consultant page (here), send me an email (cardicouture@gmail.com), or look out for a post in the coming weeks where I'll be sharing some of my favorite products here on the blog.
Today, on the nine year anniversary of starting this blog (CAN YOU BELIEVE IT??? NINE YEARS????), I'm once again going outside of my comfort zone and trying something new.
Over three years ago I started using Beautycounter. Beautycounter, which you should know if you read the blog regularly, is a skincare and cosmetics company committed to education and activism for safer products and regulations in the beauty industry. Today, I use their skincare, cosmetics and other products almost exclusively, and now I’ve decided to join the movement and sell Beautycounter. EEK (insert crazy/scared/excited face)!
My friend and C&C reader, Evie, has been encouraging me to sell Beautycounter for years, and I've been politely declining for years. About a month ago I decided to get a little crazy and say "yes."
As you know from reading C&C, I care a lot about about health, be that through exercise, diet or the products I use on myself and my family. Over the past three years as a Beautycounter customer, I have become more educated about the products I use on my body.
Did you know products labeled as natural and organic may still have harmful ingredients in them, both natural and chemical. The same thing that makes mascara black is used in car tires and that many of the blushes sold in the US have lead in them??? In fact, there are over 1500 ingredients that are restricted from beauty products in Europe but only 30 in the United States?
The beauty industry is regulated by the FDA but with very little oversight. Even when personal care products are recalled, they are not required to remove them from the shelf. As an education-first, B corporation (like brands such as Patagonia and Seventh Generation), Beautycounter is in Washington D.C and our state capitals lobbying to change this.
So why is this outside of my comfort zone? Despite being a natural salesperson, the idea of hosting "parties" or asking my friends to host "parties" is a little scary. I don't want friends to avoid me in fear that all I want to do is try to sell them moisturizer and mascara.
That said, I come from an authentic place in my support of this brand, and I intend to keep it that way. I have been using these products a long time. I believe in the products, and I believe in the mission of the company. It's about more than just skincare and makeup. It's about safer and better beauty.
I promise I won't bombard the blog with all things Beautycounter.
If you want to learn more, you can check out my FB page, Beautycounter and Beyond. I'll be posting information about Beautycounter as well as other resources and articles related to health and well being. You can also visit my Beautycounter consultant page (here), send me an email (cardicouture@gmail.com), or look out for a post in the coming weeks where I'll be sharing some of my favorite products here on the blog.
April 5, 2018
Since I've Been Gone
I apologize that it's been so long since my last post. I've been dealing with that thing called "life" lately and some additional stress added by parenting. I'll likely write a "Keeping it Real" post in the future, but for now I'll just say, "adulting is hard" and "parenting is really F***ing hard."
To get back into blogging I thought I'd share a few of the things I've been reading, wearing (or dreaming of wearing), and dreaming of in general.
READING
1. The Last Conversation You’ll Ever Need to Have About Eating Right- This pretty much sums up my philosophy on food.
2. Stop Asking About My Kid’s College Plans- An article for all parents to read
WEARING
This dress is adorable!
To get back into blogging I thought I'd share a few of the things I've been reading, wearing (or dreaming of wearing), and dreaming of in general.
READING
1. The Last Conversation You’ll Ever Need to Have About Eating Right- This pretty much sums up my philosophy on food.
WEARING
This dress is adorable!
I need these sunglasses...in back and tortoise.
This is the perfect summer clutch. I'm seriously contemplating ordering one.
I got this suit for our upcoming Mexico trip, and it's fabulous! And it's on sale! (wish I got mine at this big of a price reduction...)
DREAMING
I'm obsessed with this house. It's extremely similar to my house...but a lot bigger and a lot more $$$. A girl can dream.
February 15, 2018
ASOS Keeping it Real
Last week I saw this Rip Curl bathing suit pop up on my facebook feed.
I clicked on the link, and it took me to Nordstrom where I was able to check out the back of the suit as well.
I like the suit, but 1) there's no way that would cover my a** and 2) there's no way her a** actually looks like that. I showed my friend Taylor and she quickly agreed on both points. Then she told me that ASOS (a C&C favorite as you know) no longer airbrushes their bathing suit photos, so I had to check it out.
And it's true. Stretch marks, skin rolls, dimples, lines, skin discoloration...it's all there. Finally retailers are "Keeping it Real" and showing what women ACTUALLY look like in their bathing suits.
Here are a few of the suits I like on their site (there are lots of really great ones). Yes, most of the women are still very thin, but at least they show a true representation of what these women actually look in the suit, not an air brushed false reality.
I clicked on the link, and it took me to Nordstrom where I was able to check out the back of the suit as well.
And it's true. Stretch marks, skin rolls, dimples, lines, skin discoloration...it's all there. Finally retailers are "Keeping it Real" and showing what women ACTUALLY look like in their bathing suits.
Here are a few of the suits I like on their site (there are lots of really great ones). Yes, most of the women are still very thin, but at least they show a true representation of what these women actually look in the suit, not an air brushed false reality.
February 13, 2018
Keeping it Real: When your 6 year old wears your bra to school!
Last week the Mini Fashionista asked to wear "workout clothes" to school. I've encouraged this before given that she has PE 3 days a week and is extremely active on the playground at recess, so it seems perfectly logical. I inquired as to why the sudden change of heart...her reply "I just want to change things up." This is code for "I don't want to tell you, mom!"
She even let me snap this photo of her on our way out the door.
Fast forward to 5:00 p.m. in the locker room after swimming and she instructs me NOT to take her clothes out of her bag. Well, it was too late. I was already midway through the process when I discovered my sports bra in her bag! And she immediately confessed to wearing it to school (insert giggles from her friend in the background who was already aware of the situation). If you look at the above picture you can see the sports bra bunched up around her.
Channeling my best "Positive Parenting Solutions" self I kept calm. Honestly I felt a mix of emotions...disbelief, irritation (that she took something of mine without asking), laughter, amusement...
My biggest question was "why does my 6 year old want to wear a bra?" Her reply "because _____ has one." Someone in her class has a bra, and she wanted to wear one too.
Much like the makeup situation I posted about recently (here), this was an opportunity to draw upon my best parenting skills. Instead of saying "NO, you can't wear a bra. You don't need a bra. You are 6 years old," I decided to handle it differently and in an more effective way.
It's clear that she's curious about breasts and bras and about being a woman. By denying her interest I will only push her to hide her questions and curiosity from me in the future. She didn't ask me to wear the bra in the first place because she "knew I would say no", which I probably would have.... (lesson learned on my end to say "yes" to these types of things in the future).
So here's what I did. I told her that she can have a sports bra, but that she will have to buy it for herself. Because she doesn't have breasts, she doesn't need a bra, and I am not going to use my money to buy her clothes she doesn't need. We looked at some bras on Target and identified that they cost around $10, which is a big portion of her saved up spending money.
I encouraged her to think about it for a week. I told her that when there is something I really want I often wait a week or so to be sure I really want it. I also pointed out that she would likely wear it once or twice, forget about it, and then grow out of it. So maybe it's not the best use of her money.
This has definitely been one of the more amusing and laughable parenting experiences thus far. These moments serve as little lessons for me and the Mini. She's learning about life and I'm learning about how to let her live hers! :)
She even let me snap this photo of her on our way out the door.
Channeling my best "Positive Parenting Solutions" self I kept calm. Honestly I felt a mix of emotions...disbelief, irritation (that she took something of mine without asking), laughter, amusement...
My biggest question was "why does my 6 year old want to wear a bra?" Her reply "because _____ has one." Someone in her class has a bra, and she wanted to wear one too.
Much like the makeup situation I posted about recently (here), this was an opportunity to draw upon my best parenting skills. Instead of saying "NO, you can't wear a bra. You don't need a bra. You are 6 years old," I decided to handle it differently and in an more effective way.
It's clear that she's curious about breasts and bras and about being a woman. By denying her interest I will only push her to hide her questions and curiosity from me in the future. She didn't ask me to wear the bra in the first place because she "knew I would say no", which I probably would have.... (lesson learned on my end to say "yes" to these types of things in the future).
So here's what I did. I told her that she can have a sports bra, but that she will have to buy it for herself. Because she doesn't have breasts, she doesn't need a bra, and I am not going to use my money to buy her clothes she doesn't need. We looked at some bras on Target and identified that they cost around $10, which is a big portion of her saved up spending money.
I encouraged her to think about it for a week. I told her that when there is something I really want I often wait a week or so to be sure I really want it. I also pointed out that she would likely wear it once or twice, forget about it, and then grow out of it. So maybe it's not the best use of her money.
This has definitely been one of the more amusing and laughable parenting experiences thus far. These moments serve as little lessons for me and the Mini. She's learning about life and I'm learning about how to let her live hers! :)
February 5, 2018
Keeping it Real: What to do When Your Kids Lie?
A few weeks ago when Katie and her family were here visiting the Mini Fashionista got into Katie's eyeshadow. And when I say "got into Katie's eyeshadow" I mean she took the brush and dug a hole into the blue eyeshadow.
When Katie approached her about it, she, like most kids her age would do, denied it. So what did I do?
These are the tough parenting moments when I don't always know how to react. Luckily, Positive Parenting Solutions, my go-to-resource for all things parenting, gave me the tools to feel more effective in the way I handled it.
I did NOT ask her "Did you get into Katie's eyeshadow"? That's a loaded question that ensures your child will lie to you, and you already know the answer, so it accomplishes nothing. Instead, I was very straightforward. I addressed what she did, told her I wasn't mad about what she did but sorry that she felt the need to lie about it. We talk regularly about how lying is worse than telling the truth about doing something bad.
What I did next was the important part of the response. I didn't have to question why she did what she did. I know. She is interested in makeup. She asked for a makeup kit for Christmas, but I didn't give her one. I didn't give her makeup because all I could envision was a pile of broken eyeshadow caked into her rug....
So, here's what I said, "I know you're interested in makeup. I'm guessing that's why you were playing with Katie's makeup. How about we make a deal? Anytime you want to play with makeup, just ask, and we can do it."
So, we got out my newest Beauty Counter eye palette, and we played makeup. I piled on tons of eyeshadow and bronzer, and she loved it.
She loved it until we had to take it off, and then she hated it. Her eyes were irritated from the washcloth, and the skin under her eyes was red and irritated too. I'm guessing she won't want to play makeup for a while again.
Here are the tips that Positive Parenting Solutions gives to handle lying and the tools I used (not perfectly but from memory) to handle the situation. I hope these will help you in handling similar situations with your children.
1. Keep calm and parent on. Watch how you respond to misbehavior and mistakes in your home, whether it’s spilled juice on the carpet or unfinished chores. If your kids worry about being yelled at or punished when they mess up, they won’t want to come to you with the truth. Focus on using a calm voice – yes, it can be tough, but it’s possible. That doesn’t mean kids are off the hook for lying. But instead of getting angry and assigning blame, discuss solutions to the problem with your child.
2. Don’t set up a lie. If you can see piles of laundry on your daughter’s floor, don’t ask her if she’s cleaned up her room yet. When we ask questions to which we already know the answer, we’re giving our children the opportunity to tell a lie. Instead, emphasize ways to address the situation. If you know Evan hasn’t touched his homework, ask him, “What are your plans for finishing your homework?” Instead of “Where did all this mud come from?” ask, “What can we do to clean this up and make sure it doesn’t happen next time?” This can help head off a power struggle and allows your child to save face by focusing on a plan of action instead of fabricating an excuse. It also teaches a lesson of what they can do next time – sitting down with homework right after school or taking off their shoes in the mudroom instead of the living room – to avoid problems.
3. Get the whole truth. While we may want to put our child on the spot when we catch them in a lie, accusing or blaming them will only make things worse. Getting to the root of the problem and understanding why she couldn’t be honest with you will help you encourage your child to tell the truth in the future. Open up a conversation gently, saying, “that sounds like a story to me. You must be worried about something and afraid to tell the truth. Let’s talk about that. What would help you be honest?” You can use the information you glean to help her be more truthful in the future.
4. Celebrate honesty. Even if you’re upset that there’s a sea of water on the bathroom floor because your daughter tried to give her dolls a bath in the sink, commend her for coming to you and telling the truth. Tell her, “I really appreciate you telling me what really happened. That must have been difficult for you, but I really appreciate you telling the truth and taking responsibility.”
5. Delight in do-overs. Think of mistakes as a way to learn how to make better choices. When we stay calm and avoid yelling or punishing our kids for mistakes, our kids will be more likely to admit their slip-ups in the future. Turn the mistake into a learning opportunity. Ask, “If you could have a do-over, what would you do differently?” and brainstorm different ideas. If someone else was affected – maybe he broke his sister’s scooter – ask what he can do to make it right with the other party.
6. Show the love. Let your kids know you love them unconditionally, even when they make mistakes. Make sure they know that while you don’t like their poor behavior, you will never love them any less because of the mistakes they might make. This helps your kids feel safe opening up to you.
7. Walk the talk. Remember that your kids are always looking to you and learning from your actions. Those little white lies we tell, whether it’s to get out of dog sitting for the neighbors or helping with the school fundraiser, aren’t harmless – they’re showing your kids that it’s okay to lie.
When Katie approached her about it, she, like most kids her age would do, denied it. So what did I do?
These are the tough parenting moments when I don't always know how to react. Luckily, Positive Parenting Solutions, my go-to-resource for all things parenting, gave me the tools to feel more effective in the way I handled it.
I did NOT ask her "Did you get into Katie's eyeshadow"? That's a loaded question that ensures your child will lie to you, and you already know the answer, so it accomplishes nothing. Instead, I was very straightforward. I addressed what she did, told her I wasn't mad about what she did but sorry that she felt the need to lie about it. We talk regularly about how lying is worse than telling the truth about doing something bad.
What I did next was the important part of the response. I didn't have to question why she did what she did. I know. She is interested in makeup. She asked for a makeup kit for Christmas, but I didn't give her one. I didn't give her makeup because all I could envision was a pile of broken eyeshadow caked into her rug....
So, here's what I said, "I know you're interested in makeup. I'm guessing that's why you were playing with Katie's makeup. How about we make a deal? Anytime you want to play with makeup, just ask, and we can do it."
So, we got out my newest Beauty Counter eye palette, and we played makeup. I piled on tons of eyeshadow and bronzer, and she loved it.
Here are the tips that Positive Parenting Solutions gives to handle lying and the tools I used (not perfectly but from memory) to handle the situation. I hope these will help you in handling similar situations with your children.
1. Keep calm and parent on. Watch how you respond to misbehavior and mistakes in your home, whether it’s spilled juice on the carpet or unfinished chores. If your kids worry about being yelled at or punished when they mess up, they won’t want to come to you with the truth. Focus on using a calm voice – yes, it can be tough, but it’s possible. That doesn’t mean kids are off the hook for lying. But instead of getting angry and assigning blame, discuss solutions to the problem with your child.
2. Don’t set up a lie. If you can see piles of laundry on your daughter’s floor, don’t ask her if she’s cleaned up her room yet. When we ask questions to which we already know the answer, we’re giving our children the opportunity to tell a lie. Instead, emphasize ways to address the situation. If you know Evan hasn’t touched his homework, ask him, “What are your plans for finishing your homework?” Instead of “Where did all this mud come from?” ask, “What can we do to clean this up and make sure it doesn’t happen next time?” This can help head off a power struggle and allows your child to save face by focusing on a plan of action instead of fabricating an excuse. It also teaches a lesson of what they can do next time – sitting down with homework right after school or taking off their shoes in the mudroom instead of the living room – to avoid problems.
3. Get the whole truth. While we may want to put our child on the spot when we catch them in a lie, accusing or blaming them will only make things worse. Getting to the root of the problem and understanding why she couldn’t be honest with you will help you encourage your child to tell the truth in the future. Open up a conversation gently, saying, “that sounds like a story to me. You must be worried about something and afraid to tell the truth. Let’s talk about that. What would help you be honest?” You can use the information you glean to help her be more truthful in the future.
4. Celebrate honesty. Even if you’re upset that there’s a sea of water on the bathroom floor because your daughter tried to give her dolls a bath in the sink, commend her for coming to you and telling the truth. Tell her, “I really appreciate you telling me what really happened. That must have been difficult for you, but I really appreciate you telling the truth and taking responsibility.”
5. Delight in do-overs. Think of mistakes as a way to learn how to make better choices. When we stay calm and avoid yelling or punishing our kids for mistakes, our kids will be more likely to admit their slip-ups in the future. Turn the mistake into a learning opportunity. Ask, “If you could have a do-over, what would you do differently?” and brainstorm different ideas. If someone else was affected – maybe he broke his sister’s scooter – ask what he can do to make it right with the other party.
6. Show the love. Let your kids know you love them unconditionally, even when they make mistakes. Make sure they know that while you don’t like their poor behavior, you will never love them any less because of the mistakes they might make. This helps your kids feel safe opening up to you.
7. Walk the talk. Remember that your kids are always looking to you and learning from your actions. Those little white lies we tell, whether it’s to get out of dog sitting for the neighbors or helping with the school fundraiser, aren’t harmless – they’re showing your kids that it’s okay to lie.
January 22, 2018
Keeping it Real: This Stage of Life. It's Hard.
This was posted in my Positive Parent Solutions Facebook Group a week or so ago. No matter what your age or how many children you have, being a mom is hard work. It's rewarding and joyful and precious and hard.
This is worth the read. Every. Last. Word.
"This stage of life. It’s hard, you guys.
I’m talking right now to you moms who are in your late 20's to mid 30’s. You have kids. Likely two, three, maybe four of them. They probably range in age from newborns to 7 or 8 year-olds. (Give or take a few, on all of the above mentioned stats).
In this stage of life, you are dealing with exhaustion. Mental, physical, and emotional.
In this stage of life, you are dealing with teething. With ear infections. With stomach viruses. You are juggling nap schedules, and feeding schedules and soccer schedules. A million balls you are juggling, and you probably feel like you are dropping most of them.
In this stage of life, you are dealing with guilt. Guilt over having a career, and not spending enough time with your kids, or guilt over staying home with your kids, and not doing enough to contribute financially. Guilt over being too harsh with your kids. Too lenient. Guilt that your house is clean, but your kids were ignored, or guilt that you enjoyed your children all day, and now your husband is coming home to filth. Guilt.
In this stage of life, you are bombarded daily with a whole host of decisions. Some of them life-changing, some of them not. None of them with clear cut answers. Do I vaccinate my kids? Do I not? Do I send them to public school? Homeschool? Charter school? Do I continue to breastfeed? Do I blow the budget so that I can buy all organic? Do I force my child to apologize, even though the apology will be insincere? You don’t know the answers to ANYTHING, but you feel constant pressure to figure out EVERYTHING.
This stage of life is less and less about watching your friends get married and have babies, and more and more about standing by and witnessing your friends struggle in their marriage, and even get divorced. It’s a stage where you’ve got to put in the time and the effort and the work and the energy to make sure your OWN marriage stays healthy. And that’s good, but it’s hard, too. At this point, you or someone you know has experienced infertility. Miscarriages. Loss of a child.
It’s a stage where you are buying houses, selling houses, remodeling houses, packing up houses. And then you do it all again a few years later.
It’s a stage where your hormones are all of of whack. I mean, you’ve basically been pregnant, postpartum, or breastfeeding for the last ten years, right?
It’s a stage where you are struggling with identity. Is my entire identity “mommy”? Is there anything even left of me that isn’t about mothering? Is there something more glamorous I could have/should have done with my life? I LOOK like a mom now, don’t I? I totally do.
It’s a stage where you are on a constant quest for balance, and can never find it.
It’s a stage of life where you are overloaded. Constantly. You are overloaded with questions. Your children never stop asking them. You are overloaded with touch. Someone is constantly wanting to be held, holding on to you, hanging on you, touching you. You are overloaded with to-do’s. There is so much to do. It never ends. You are overloaded with worry. You are overloaded with THINGS. Your kids have way too many toys. You are overloaded with activities. You are overloaded with THOUGHTS (thoughts about how to not be so overloaded, perhaps?).
It’s hard.
So….what do you need to do to survive it all?
You need to ask for help.
You need to accept help when it’s given.
You need to not neglect your marriage. You need to put your kids down for bed early. Sit outside on the back porch with your husband, drink a glass of wine, and have a conversation.
You need girlfriends.
You need your mom.
You need older friends, who have been there and done that. Who can reassure you that you AREN’T screwing it all up as badly as you think you are.
You need to not feel bad about using your kids nap time every now and again to just do whatever the heck you want.
You need to lower your expectations….then probably lower them again.
You need to simplify. Simplify every single part of your life, as much as it can be simplified.
You need to learn how to say “no”.
You need to practice contentment
You need to be ok leaving your kids overnight, and going away somewhere. Anywhere.
You need to do something you enjoy, every day, even if it’s for no more than 15 minutes.
You need to pray. Girl, you need to pray.
You need a coffee you love, a wine you love, and a bubble bath that you love.
Finally, and maybe most importantly, you need to remember that…..
….this stage of life is beautiful, too. Like, really really beautiful. This is the stage of life where every single older person you ever meet tells you, “you’re going to miss this”. And you already know it’s true. It’s the stage where your kids love you more than they are EVER going to love you again, for the whole rest of your life. It’s the stage where they can fit their entire selves into your lap to snuggle…and they want to. It’s the stage where their biggest problems ARE ear infections and teething and stomach viruses, and you’re not having to deal yet with things like broken hearts or addiction or bullying. It’s the stage where you are learning to love your spouse in an entirely different….harder…..better…. way. The stage where you are learning together, being stretched together, shedding your selfishness together, and TRULY being made into “one”. It’s the stage where you get to see Christmas, Halloween through your kids eyes, and it’s so much more fun and magical than it would be just through your own eyes. It’s the stage where you get to watch your parents be grandparents…and they’re really good at it. It’s the stage of life filled with field trips, class parties, costumes, swim lessons, bubble baths, dance parties, loose teeth, and first steps. And those things are so fun. It’s the stage where you are young enough to have fun, and old enough to have obtained at least SOME wisdom. It’s SUCH a great stage.
But, man it’s hard."
-author unknown
This is worth the read. Every. Last. Word.
"This stage of life. It’s hard, you guys.
I’m talking right now to you moms who are in your late 20's to mid 30’s. You have kids. Likely two, three, maybe four of them. They probably range in age from newborns to 7 or 8 year-olds. (Give or take a few, on all of the above mentioned stats).
In this stage of life, you are dealing with exhaustion. Mental, physical, and emotional.
In this stage of life, you are dealing with teething. With ear infections. With stomach viruses. You are juggling nap schedules, and feeding schedules and soccer schedules. A million balls you are juggling, and you probably feel like you are dropping most of them.
In this stage of life, you are dealing with guilt. Guilt over having a career, and not spending enough time with your kids, or guilt over staying home with your kids, and not doing enough to contribute financially. Guilt over being too harsh with your kids. Too lenient. Guilt that your house is clean, but your kids were ignored, or guilt that you enjoyed your children all day, and now your husband is coming home to filth. Guilt.
In this stage of life, you are bombarded daily with a whole host of decisions. Some of them life-changing, some of them not. None of them with clear cut answers. Do I vaccinate my kids? Do I not? Do I send them to public school? Homeschool? Charter school? Do I continue to breastfeed? Do I blow the budget so that I can buy all organic? Do I force my child to apologize, even though the apology will be insincere? You don’t know the answers to ANYTHING, but you feel constant pressure to figure out EVERYTHING.
This stage of life is less and less about watching your friends get married and have babies, and more and more about standing by and witnessing your friends struggle in their marriage, and even get divorced. It’s a stage where you’ve got to put in the time and the effort and the work and the energy to make sure your OWN marriage stays healthy. And that’s good, but it’s hard, too. At this point, you or someone you know has experienced infertility. Miscarriages. Loss of a child.
It’s a stage where you are buying houses, selling houses, remodeling houses, packing up houses. And then you do it all again a few years later.
It’s a stage where your hormones are all of of whack. I mean, you’ve basically been pregnant, postpartum, or breastfeeding for the last ten years, right?
It’s a stage where you are struggling with identity. Is my entire identity “mommy”? Is there anything even left of me that isn’t about mothering? Is there something more glamorous I could have/should have done with my life? I LOOK like a mom now, don’t I? I totally do.
It’s a stage where you are on a constant quest for balance, and can never find it.
It’s a stage of life where you are overloaded. Constantly. You are overloaded with questions. Your children never stop asking them. You are overloaded with touch. Someone is constantly wanting to be held, holding on to you, hanging on you, touching you. You are overloaded with to-do’s. There is so much to do. It never ends. You are overloaded with worry. You are overloaded with THINGS. Your kids have way too many toys. You are overloaded with activities. You are overloaded with THOUGHTS (thoughts about how to not be so overloaded, perhaps?).
It’s hard.
So….what do you need to do to survive it all?
You need to ask for help.
You need to accept help when it’s given.
You need to not neglect your marriage. You need to put your kids down for bed early. Sit outside on the back porch with your husband, drink a glass of wine, and have a conversation.
You need girlfriends.
You need your mom.
You need older friends, who have been there and done that. Who can reassure you that you AREN’T screwing it all up as badly as you think you are.
You need to not feel bad about using your kids nap time every now and again to just do whatever the heck you want.
You need to lower your expectations….then probably lower them again.
You need to simplify. Simplify every single part of your life, as much as it can be simplified.
You need to learn how to say “no”.
You need to practice contentment
You need to be ok leaving your kids overnight, and going away somewhere. Anywhere.
You need to do something you enjoy, every day, even if it’s for no more than 15 minutes.
You need to pray. Girl, you need to pray.
You need a coffee you love, a wine you love, and a bubble bath that you love.
Finally, and maybe most importantly, you need to remember that…..
….this stage of life is beautiful, too. Like, really really beautiful. This is the stage of life where every single older person you ever meet tells you, “you’re going to miss this”. And you already know it’s true. It’s the stage where your kids love you more than they are EVER going to love you again, for the whole rest of your life. It’s the stage where they can fit their entire selves into your lap to snuggle…and they want to. It’s the stage where their biggest problems ARE ear infections and teething and stomach viruses, and you’re not having to deal yet with things like broken hearts or addiction or bullying. It’s the stage where you are learning to love your spouse in an entirely different….harder…..better…. way. The stage where you are learning together, being stretched together, shedding your selfishness together, and TRULY being made into “one”. It’s the stage where you get to see Christmas, Halloween through your kids eyes, and it’s so much more fun and magical than it would be just through your own eyes. It’s the stage where you get to watch your parents be grandparents…and they’re really good at it. It’s the stage of life filled with field trips, class parties, costumes, swim lessons, bubble baths, dance parties, loose teeth, and first steps. And those things are so fun. It’s the stage where you are young enough to have fun, and old enough to have obtained at least SOME wisdom. It’s SUCH a great stage.
But, man it’s hard."
-author unknown
January 4, 2018
Keeping it Real: Comparison is the Thief of Joy
I've debated whether or not to write this post. In fact, I started writing it back in November. That's how long it's been sitting here...but I finally decided to post it.
This post is about parenting and therefore, in part, it's about my daughter. I haven't asked her permission to write about her. She's six years old and knows the word "blog", but she has no idea what it means. I suppose I'm divulging something about her that she might wish to keep private, but I believe that keeping things private isn't always for the best.
In this case, I hope that sharing will open a conversation that helps me be a stronger parent and thus have a positive impact on her. I also hope it will provide some comfort to other parents who are experiencing similar struggles. I also want to preface this post by saying that there are parents who have struggles that are far more difficult. I also recognize that this is just the beginning of the parenting challenges.
My daughter is in her third year (first grade) at the French American International School in Portland. She learns nearly 100% in French by native French speakers and has English class a few times a week. In the French curriculum, first grade marks the beginning of more focused academic studies, and therefore the beginning of reading. At the start of the school year she did not read in English or in French (besides a handful of words in each language); while some kids in her school and in traditional American schools are reading. I've been told by teachers and other parents that children learn to read at different rates. It's often equated to walking...some kids walk at nine months and others at fifteen months. Some kids read at four and other have a hard time reading at seven. Despite being told that all kids learn at different rates, it's hard as a parent to see other kids accomplish something that your child cannot. It's hard to see your child struggle.
We had our first parent/teacher conference before Thanksgiving, and our daughter's teacher started off by saying that she is inquisitive, an excellent communicator, and that she participates willingly in all classroom activities, trying new things even if they challenge her. However, her reading and writing is progressing slowly and she struggles to stay focused during academic activities.
That was hard to hear.
One of the first things that popped into my mind after the conference, something I tell her (and myself) often, "Comparison is the thief of joy." While I can spend time agonizing over my friend's social media posts of their children reading chapter books and writing their own letters to Santa, it won't change anything. Instead, I have to celebrate her progress, which she is making, no matter how small.
If you're in a similar situation and experiencing sadness and frustration like I have....I invite you to think back to when your child was learning to walk. Did you get frustrated or sad when he/she crawled or took a step and fell down? Did you think something was wrong with your child because another kid his/her age could already walk?
NO! Instead we celebrated every baby step...every tiny step. We told ourselves, as all parents do, "eventually my child will walk." So, I'm using this analogy to help reduce the stress associated with her reading and writing struggles. She will learn. It will happen. And along the way I'm going to celebrate every baby step.
I was a "straight A student" in high school and excelled academically in college and grad school. That said, I struggled in elementary school. I rushed through my work, and I made mistakes, but through that I learned abut the importance of work ethic. That struggle, that necessity to work hard to achieve followed me throughout my teenage years and early twenties, and it's what I attribute my adulthood success too. It's okay to struggle. It teaches you to hustle. It teaches you to work hard.
So this is the dialogue I am having with myself on a daily basis..."it's okay for her to struggle. She's young. She will learn to read and write. Celebrate the baby steps". And if we get further down this path and things are still not coming together, we will get her the help she needs to learn.
We have so much love for our children that it hurts. When they suffer, we suffer. When they're emotionally depleted, we feel the same. It's that love that drives our desires for them to succeed and to excel. It's that love that keeps us up at night.
This parenting gig is the hardest job I'll ever have, and I know it will only get harder, but I wouldn't trade it for the world.
This post is about parenting and therefore, in part, it's about my daughter. I haven't asked her permission to write about her. She's six years old and knows the word "blog", but she has no idea what it means. I suppose I'm divulging something about her that she might wish to keep private, but I believe that keeping things private isn't always for the best.
In this case, I hope that sharing will open a conversation that helps me be a stronger parent and thus have a positive impact on her. I also hope it will provide some comfort to other parents who are experiencing similar struggles. I also want to preface this post by saying that there are parents who have struggles that are far more difficult. I also recognize that this is just the beginning of the parenting challenges.
My daughter is in her third year (first grade) at the French American International School in Portland. She learns nearly 100% in French by native French speakers and has English class a few times a week. In the French curriculum, first grade marks the beginning of more focused academic studies, and therefore the beginning of reading. At the start of the school year she did not read in English or in French (besides a handful of words in each language); while some kids in her school and in traditional American schools are reading. I've been told by teachers and other parents that children learn to read at different rates. It's often equated to walking...some kids walk at nine months and others at fifteen months. Some kids read at four and other have a hard time reading at seven. Despite being told that all kids learn at different rates, it's hard as a parent to see other kids accomplish something that your child cannot. It's hard to see your child struggle.
We had our first parent/teacher conference before Thanksgiving, and our daughter's teacher started off by saying that she is inquisitive, an excellent communicator, and that she participates willingly in all classroom activities, trying new things even if they challenge her. However, her reading and writing is progressing slowly and she struggles to stay focused during academic activities.
That was hard to hear.
One of the first things that popped into my mind after the conference, something I tell her (and myself) often, "Comparison is the thief of joy." While I can spend time agonizing over my friend's social media posts of their children reading chapter books and writing their own letters to Santa, it won't change anything. Instead, I have to celebrate her progress, which she is making, no matter how small.
If you're in a similar situation and experiencing sadness and frustration like I have....I invite you to think back to when your child was learning to walk. Did you get frustrated or sad when he/she crawled or took a step and fell down? Did you think something was wrong with your child because another kid his/her age could already walk?
NO! Instead we celebrated every baby step...every tiny step. We told ourselves, as all parents do, "eventually my child will walk." So, I'm using this analogy to help reduce the stress associated with her reading and writing struggles. She will learn. It will happen. And along the way I'm going to celebrate every baby step.
I was a "straight A student" in high school and excelled academically in college and grad school. That said, I struggled in elementary school. I rushed through my work, and I made mistakes, but through that I learned abut the importance of work ethic. That struggle, that necessity to work hard to achieve followed me throughout my teenage years and early twenties, and it's what I attribute my adulthood success too. It's okay to struggle. It teaches you to hustle. It teaches you to work hard.
So this is the dialogue I am having with myself on a daily basis..."it's okay for her to struggle. She's young. She will learn to read and write. Celebrate the baby steps". And if we get further down this path and things are still not coming together, we will get her the help she needs to learn.
We have so much love for our children that it hurts. When they suffer, we suffer. When they're emotionally depleted, we feel the same. It's that love that drives our desires for them to succeed and to excel. It's that love that keeps us up at night.
This parenting gig is the hardest job I'll ever have, and I know it will only get harder, but I wouldn't trade it for the world.
December 7, 2017
Keeping it Real: Digital Detox
A few months ago I took a ten day digital detox. I was feeling overly addicted to all things social media and needed a break.
You know that feeling? The feeling you get when you sit down in a waiting room, when someone leaves the table to go to the bathroom, when you're stopped at a stop light....that feeling you get so many times a day...and in that moment instead of just "being" you feel the need to pull out your phone?
During my detox I was able to step back and observe how much social media and our addictions to our phones and computers takes away from real life social interactions. It distracts us from our family and friends and prevents us from truly being present. During my detox I noticed how annoying it is when others are constantly on their phones. It's annoying and it's rude. It was sad to admit that I had been that person too.
I didn't know how long I would stay on the detox, but after about ten days I decided that it had been enough. It didn't take long to realize that social media was just a lot of noise and distraction. That said, I missed seeing the photos of my niece. I missed seeing the mountain adventures of my friends. I missed seeing the joy and happiness of the people I love.
So I decided to go back, but on different terms. The first thing I did was to significantly reduce the number of accounts I was following on Instagram. I went from 600 to less than 200 (not all of which are active accounts). I also decided to write a "Technology Contract" with myself. Here's what it looks like.
I will not....
- Check social media on weekdays until after I take my daughter to school
- Look at social media when in the presence of family or friends
- Look at Instagram more than 3x/day
- Look at social media in bed
- Let social media take away from real life social interactions
- Look at email or social media on my phone after 9 p.m.
For the first few weeks I did a really good job of keeping to my contract. During that time I was getting what I wanted out of my social media interactions, but I didn't feel controlled by it.
And then I let things slide....I went back to looking at my phone with much greater frequency, looking at it in bed and after 9 p.m. Once again I let myself be controlled by the addiction.
While I love some aspects of social media, I want it to have a less significant presence in my life. So I'm going back to the contract, and I'm hopeful that after a few weeks of compliance it will become an effortless habit and a permanent way of life.
Anyone want to join me? You won't be sorry!
For the first few days I found myself reaching for my phone and wanting to open Facebook and Instagram (which I had removed), but after a few days I felt free. I felt free from the constant pull, the constant need to connect with something beyond what I was experiencing in that moment.
You know that feeling? The feeling you get when you sit down in a waiting room, when someone leaves the table to go to the bathroom, when you're stopped at a stop light....that feeling you get so many times a day...and in that moment instead of just "being" you feel the need to pull out your phone?
During my detox I was able to step back and observe how much social media and our addictions to our phones and computers takes away from real life social interactions. It distracts us from our family and friends and prevents us from truly being present. During my detox I noticed how annoying it is when others are constantly on their phones. It's annoying and it's rude. It was sad to admit that I had been that person too.
I didn't know how long I would stay on the detox, but after about ten days I decided that it had been enough. It didn't take long to realize that social media was just a lot of noise and distraction. That said, I missed seeing the photos of my niece. I missed seeing the mountain adventures of my friends. I missed seeing the joy and happiness of the people I love.
So I decided to go back, but on different terms. The first thing I did was to significantly reduce the number of accounts I was following on Instagram. I went from 600 to less than 200 (not all of which are active accounts). I also decided to write a "Technology Contract" with myself. Here's what it looks like.
I will not....
- Check social media on weekdays until after I take my daughter to school
- Look at social media when in the presence of family or friends
- Look at Instagram more than 3x/day
- Look at social media in bed
- Let social media take away from real life social interactions
- Look at email or social media on my phone after 9 p.m.
For the first few weeks I did a really good job of keeping to my contract. During that time I was getting what I wanted out of my social media interactions, but I didn't feel controlled by it.
And then I let things slide....I went back to looking at my phone with much greater frequency, looking at it in bed and after 9 p.m. Once again I let myself be controlled by the addiction.
While I love some aspects of social media, I want it to have a less significant presence in my life. So I'm going back to the contract, and I'm hopeful that after a few weeks of compliance it will become an effortless habit and a permanent way of life.
Anyone want to join me? You won't be sorry!
November 16, 2017
Keeping it Real
Since the "keeping it real" posts seem to be among our reader's favorites, I thought I would jump back into blogging with a fresh breath of reality.
A friend posted this photo on Instagram the other day, and it really resonated with me.
I reposted it to my personal Instagram and have been thinking about it ever since... Are these things really all that new? And are they in fact independent of one another?
Can't rich people be happy and healthy? Why can't success accompany inner peace? And who says the cool kids can't also be kind?
To me the takeaway is about perspective and priorities. It's easy to get caught up in money and success and being cool. There's no denying that our society focuses on these things, sometimes too much, and like it or not, they are important.
These analogies are much like the saying "strong is the new skinny". They are statements that are meant to shift our priorities. There's nothing wrong with being skinny. However, the focus on being skinny has taken much of society to an unhealthy extreme, an extreme that comes with negative consequences. Shifting the focus to "strength" is more positive. The negativity attached to the goal of being "skinny" is much like the negative associations made with success, wealth and being "cool".
So we shift our focus.
If you live with purpose and with the priority to be happy, healthy, kind and at peace, then chances are you will be. It's also quite possible that you will be cool and wealthy and successful (however you define those things) as well.
If you live with the latter as your priorities, it's like the kindness, happiness, health and inner peace in your life will be lost or diminished.
So here's to everyone putting messages like this in their windows. It certainly won't fix all the worlds' problems and won't cause everyone to change their priorities, but it may cause a few people to shift their focus, and sometimes a little goes a long way.
A friend posted this photo on Instagram the other day, and it really resonated with me.
I reposted it to my personal Instagram and have been thinking about it ever since... Are these things really all that new? And are they in fact independent of one another?
Can't rich people be happy and healthy? Why can't success accompany inner peace? And who says the cool kids can't also be kind?
To me the takeaway is about perspective and priorities. It's easy to get caught up in money and success and being cool. There's no denying that our society focuses on these things, sometimes too much, and like it or not, they are important.
These analogies are much like the saying "strong is the new skinny". They are statements that are meant to shift our priorities. There's nothing wrong with being skinny. However, the focus on being skinny has taken much of society to an unhealthy extreme, an extreme that comes with negative consequences. Shifting the focus to "strength" is more positive. The negativity attached to the goal of being "skinny" is much like the negative associations made with success, wealth and being "cool".
So we shift our focus.
If you live with purpose and with the priority to be happy, healthy, kind and at peace, then chances are you will be. It's also quite possible that you will be cool and wealthy and successful (however you define those things) as well.
If you live with the latter as your priorities, it's like the kindness, happiness, health and inner peace in your life will be lost or diminished.
So here's to everyone putting messages like this in their windows. It certainly won't fix all the worlds' problems and won't cause everyone to change their priorities, but it may cause a few people to shift their focus, and sometimes a little goes a long way.
December 19, 2016
Life Lately
My apologies for being M.I.A. from the blog for the past few weeks. Work travel took me to Dallas for four days and then, very early on the morning I was scheduled to return home, I got a call from my husband that a 100+ foot tree had fallen into our house, right over our bedroom.
Needless to say it was not a phone call I expected to get a 3 o'clock in the morning. It was a small miracle that my husband wasn't crushed by this tree. We are so very thankful for the strength of our new metal roof.
The 100ft tree was followed hours later by a huge snow storm...luckily we were able to get the tree off the house and get the roof covered with a tarp before the snow arrived.
Here's a photo of the Mini Fashionista climbing on the trunk of the tree to give you an idea of scale.
The tree has slowly been removed, and now we begin the long and annoying process of rebuilding our very damaged house, fence and backyard.
While it will be a very big hassle, I'm trying to focus on the positive...that no one was hurt and that my family is safe.
Since it wasn't safe to sleep in our back bedrooms, we moved our mattress to the living room. While not ideal, it was actually kind of cozy.
So, now that things have settled down a bit I will try to get back to blogging! Expect at least a few more posts before Christmas, and then I will likely take another break until the New Year.
October 10, 2016
Keeping it Real: Keeping Track
As some of you may know part of my consulting work includes recruiting for focus groups or user experience tests. As a part of the work I screen participants, often times on things related to their shopping habits and how much they spend per month on clothing, shoes, accessories.
While asking others these types of questions, I can't help but think about my own expenditures, both for myself and for the Mini Fashionista. I know ballpark numbers, but I am somewhat ashamed to say that I don't keep track of it (gasp!).
So, last week I decided to make a spreadsheet and start tracking my purchases for both me and the Mini Fashionista. My goal is to track them for an entire year. On the spread sheet I will track what the item is, the date I purchased it and how much I spent. I've also decided to track income I make from selling the Mini's clothes and shoes, since anything we are not passing on to her new baby cousin, I consign or sell to friends or through eBay.
My guess is that much like when keeping track of calories, I'll be less likely to "consume" if I have to write it down. While I don't consider myself an over spender or an over shopper, I do make most of my purchases based on desire and not need. I think this exercise will likely make me even more discerning in my purchases.
Six months from now I'll write an update post to let you how I'm tracking, what the experience has been like and how it has changed my shopping behaviors, if at all. Anyone want to join me? I'd be fun to have thoughts from a few different people.
In the mean time, I'd love to start a conversation on this topic in the comments section. So, do you keep track of how much you spend (on clothes, shoes, bags, etc.)? Do you like knowing exactly the amount or do you prefer to live in denial?
September 20, 2016
Keeping it Real: Mind Your Manners
I wrote this "Keeping it Real" post on manners over two years ago, and I felt like it needed to be pulled back out of the vault, for my own good and the good of society.
From July 25, 2014...
Katie and I grew up with parents that heavily stressed good manners.
We were taught to shake someone's hand (with a good, firm grip), look them in the eye and address them as Mr. or Mrs. until we were told otherwise.
We answered the telephone with a script, "Wilson residence, Regan speaking".
We wrote thank you notes.
We said please and thank you.
We sat up straight without our elbows on the table (most of the time).
We asked to be excused.
We cleared our plates and put them in the dishwasher.
My question is this, when did it become socially acceptable to be rude and disrespectful? Is it just me or have good manners become a thing of the past? This topic is on my brain because I drill into the Mini Fashionista on a daily, hourly, minutely (is that a word?) basis the importance of nice manners.
Just last week we were driving to an appointment and there was an unusual amount of traffic which was going to cause me to be about 5-10 minutes late. So I picked up my phone and called to let them know that I was going to be late. The Mini asked me "mommy, why did you say you are sorry? We only say sorry when we hit". Well yes, apologizing after hitting is important, but that is not the only time (the conversation went on).
While five minutes is a somewhat insignificant period of time, it's not really about the time. It's about having the courtesy to appreciate that everyone's time is precious and be respectful of that.
I'd like to make a few of my own observations about manners, or lack there of. And please remember, I do not admit to being perfect (Emily Post would surely have some suggestions), but I do make a concerted effort. And, I respect the fact that not everyone will agree with me on this topic.
1. It is not okay to leave a phone call/voicemail unanswered. EVER. Be it personal or professional. One of my biggest pet peeves during my time at Nike was this exact problem. Call people back. Similarly, I would like to add (2016) if you receive an invitation, make sure to RSVP....be it an evite, an email or a paper invitation. It is so rude not to.
2. Make introductions. If you are in a social setting and two people are not acquainted, introduce them as soon as possible.
3. Ask nicely. Say thank you.
4. Write thank you notes. If someone goes out of their way for you, hosts you for a dinner, makes a kind gesture, or gives you a gift, write a hand written note. Not a text. Not an email. A note. With pen and paper.
5. Write a thank you note(s) after an interview. If you really want a job, you should have enough time and motivation to do this.
6. Look people in the eye. Why is it that so many people cannot have an eye to eye conversation? I can't tell you how many times recently I have been talking to someone and they can't look me in the eye.
7. Shake hands when you meet someone. And please, please don't have a limp hand shake. There is nothing worse than a limp grip.
8. Don't be late. And if you are going to be late, pick up the phone and call, or at least, send a text. Be respectful of other people's time.
9. If someone has food in their teeth, tell them...likewise, if their underwear is caught in their skirt, they really should know.
10. And finally, put down the phone. I am writing this to tell myself as much as I am hoping to tell others. It is rude to constantly look at your phone as if there is something more important than the person/people in your company. Engage with them as if they matter. Because they do.
I believe that good manners begin at a young age. Children with bad manners are simply a result of parents with bad manners. As a parent, one of the best gifts you can give to your children is that of manners. Teach them young, and it will surely carry into their adult life and serve them well.
And may I say, thank you for reading.
From July 25, 2014...
Katie and I grew up with parents that heavily stressed good manners.
We were taught to shake someone's hand (with a good, firm grip), look them in the eye and address them as Mr. or Mrs. until we were told otherwise.
We answered the telephone with a script, "Wilson residence, Regan speaking".
We wrote thank you notes.
We said please and thank you.
We sat up straight without our elbows on the table (most of the time).
We asked to be excused.
We cleared our plates and put them in the dishwasher.
My question is this, when did it become socially acceptable to be rude and disrespectful? Is it just me or have good manners become a thing of the past? This topic is on my brain because I drill into the Mini Fashionista on a daily, hourly, minutely (is that a word?) basis the importance of nice manners.
Just last week we were driving to an appointment and there was an unusual amount of traffic which was going to cause me to be about 5-10 minutes late. So I picked up my phone and called to let them know that I was going to be late. The Mini asked me "mommy, why did you say you are sorry? We only say sorry when we hit". Well yes, apologizing after hitting is important, but that is not the only time (the conversation went on).
While five minutes is a somewhat insignificant period of time, it's not really about the time. It's about having the courtesy to appreciate that everyone's time is precious and be respectful of that.
I'd like to make a few of my own observations about manners, or lack there of. And please remember, I do not admit to being perfect (Emily Post would surely have some suggestions), but I do make a concerted effort. And, I respect the fact that not everyone will agree with me on this topic.
1. It is not okay to leave a phone call/voicemail unanswered. EVER. Be it personal or professional. One of my biggest pet peeves during my time at Nike was this exact problem. Call people back. Similarly, I would like to add (2016) if you receive an invitation, make sure to RSVP....be it an evite, an email or a paper invitation. It is so rude not to.
2. Make introductions. If you are in a social setting and two people are not acquainted, introduce them as soon as possible.
3. Ask nicely. Say thank you.
4. Write thank you notes. If someone goes out of their way for you, hosts you for a dinner, makes a kind gesture, or gives you a gift, write a hand written note. Not a text. Not an email. A note. With pen and paper.
5. Write a thank you note(s) after an interview. If you really want a job, you should have enough time and motivation to do this.
6. Look people in the eye. Why is it that so many people cannot have an eye to eye conversation? I can't tell you how many times recently I have been talking to someone and they can't look me in the eye.
7. Shake hands when you meet someone. And please, please don't have a limp hand shake. There is nothing worse than a limp grip.
8. Don't be late. And if you are going to be late, pick up the phone and call, or at least, send a text. Be respectful of other people's time.
9. If someone has food in their teeth, tell them...likewise, if their underwear is caught in their skirt, they really should know.
10. And finally, put down the phone. I am writing this to tell myself as much as I am hoping to tell others. It is rude to constantly look at your phone as if there is something more important than the person/people in your company. Engage with them as if they matter. Because they do.
I believe that good manners begin at a young age. Children with bad manners are simply a result of parents with bad manners. As a parent, one of the best gifts you can give to your children is that of manners. Teach them young, and it will surely carry into their adult life and serve them well.
And may I say, thank you for reading.
September 13, 2016
Keeping it Real: Priorities
I’m back with another “Keeping it Real” post. As I said in my last post, I spent a lot of time on our two week vacation reflecting on my life, my family, and as we celebrated our 10th anniversary, I couldn’t help but also reflect on our marriage. While 10 years is certainly not a long time to be married, I believe that each decade of marriage will bring the same kinds of challenges… after 10 years or 50 years. What I’ve learned is that life is a roller coaster, there will always be ups and downs…be that related to health, finances, family, friendships, etc and getting through them takes a lot of hard work, dedication, thoughtfulness and love.
There are many things that contribute to a successful marriage: good communication, respect, intimacy, teamwork…the list goes on. I’m not an expert on marriage, so this post is based on my own experiences and from observing others. I’m a reader of “self-help” books and a big fan of continuous self evaluation, which is probably why I like to write posts like this. My goal is to share my perspective and hope that it resonates with you and provides some sort of positive impact on your life.
So, to the topic of today’s post, Priorities. One of the reasons that I believe my husband and I have such a fun and healthy marriage after 10 years (and after a child) is because we prioritize each other and ourselves. Prior to having children it was a lot easier to prioritize myself and my husband. Besides work, I didn’t have commitments that warranted greater attention. Having a baby changes all of that. Suddenly your world is consumed by another person’s life, and it’s easy to forget about taking care of yourself and your partner. I’ve watched many of my friends struggle going back to work full time after having babies, and rightfully so, it’s hard. In less than two months Katie’s maternity leave will be ending and she will go back to her demanding full time job, and I’m sure the transition will be rough. My best advice for her, and for all women with young children, going back to work or staying at home, is to remember that you cannot take care of your child or your spouse if you don't take care of yourself.
Make yourself a priority.
So what might that look like? It might mean that instead of pumping 4 times a day while at work, you give your baby formula and instead spend that extra hour at the gym. I know this statement will cause controversy, but if exercise is something that is important to you, and there is no other time in the day, then make that a priority. You will be happier for it and so will your baby.
Similarly, if you are a stay at home mom, make sure that you have some type of a break in your day when you can do something to fulfill yourself. That might be having a babysitter for an hour or two so you can go to the gym or to lunch with a friend. Or if you don’t have or can’t afford help, maybe that means you do an online workout class while your baby naps or you watch an hour of reality TV. Do something that makes you feel good.
Make yourself a priority.
What I’ve found through my own experiences and through observing others is that when you are unable to take care of yourself your are more likely to be bitter and resentful when your spouse does things for himself. For example, let’s say your husband spends every Saturday morning playing golf, that’s easily a 4+ hour commitment. If you’re at home with your children during that time, then chances are you will be bitter and angry that he spent the whole morning doing something fun while you listened to your 4 and 6 year old fight over who gets to use the Easy Bake Oven first. I’m pretty sure if you have a child, you’ve had this type of experience and feeling. If you are regularly prioritizing yourself and doing things you enjoy, then the resentment and anger will likely pass quickly. However, If you don’t regularly prioritize yourself, these emotions will escalate into feelings of constant anger and resentment, and that is never a good thing.
Make yourself a priority.
While it’s important to make yourself a priority, it’s also crucial to make your spouse a priority. It’s very easy to put the entire focus of your family on your children, their activities, their routines, etc. I think this is one of the biggest challenges in a marriage (with children). There are so many ways to prioritize each other. Have a regular date night each week (or once a month) where you and your spouse go out and enjoy each other’s company without your children. I also believe it is important to take vacations without your children. This might not happen very frequently, but even a night away can help to rejuvenate you as a couple.
Make each other a priority
While date nights and vacations are great, they take time and money, which not everyone has in abundance. There are also small ways that you can prioritize each other in your daily life. One of the biggest ways is by giving your spouse the same love and attention you give your children. I noticed that when my husband was coming home each day from work he immediately gave the Mini a hug and a kiss and often times not me. While not intentional, it sends the message that your child is a bigger priority than your spouse. We now make a conscious effort to greet one another with a hug and/or kiss each time we come and go. This kind of deliberate prioritization helps to keep a strong emotional and physical connection in our marriage.
Make each other a priority.
My husband and I have achieved a great balance in our lives where each of us are able to do the things we love, we are also able to do things together as a couple and things as a family. I know that this is one of the many reasons we have a happy and healthy marriage after 10 years and will continue to for years to come. We prioritize ourselves and each other.
For most of you I hope this post reaffirms what are you already doing in your life to make yourself and your spouse a priority. Or, I hope it helps you to see an opportunity for improvement. By no means is my marriage perfect, no marriage is. But, I can assure you that thinking about yourself and your spouse as a priority will certainly help to lead you down a path to greater happiness and fulfillment.
There are many things that contribute to a successful marriage: good communication, respect, intimacy, teamwork…the list goes on. I’m not an expert on marriage, so this post is based on my own experiences and from observing others. I’m a reader of “self-help” books and a big fan of continuous self evaluation, which is probably why I like to write posts like this. My goal is to share my perspective and hope that it resonates with you and provides some sort of positive impact on your life.
So, to the topic of today’s post, Priorities. One of the reasons that I believe my husband and I have such a fun and healthy marriage after 10 years (and after a child) is because we prioritize each other and ourselves. Prior to having children it was a lot easier to prioritize myself and my husband. Besides work, I didn’t have commitments that warranted greater attention. Having a baby changes all of that. Suddenly your world is consumed by another person’s life, and it’s easy to forget about taking care of yourself and your partner. I’ve watched many of my friends struggle going back to work full time after having babies, and rightfully so, it’s hard. In less than two months Katie’s maternity leave will be ending and she will go back to her demanding full time job, and I’m sure the transition will be rough. My best advice for her, and for all women with young children, going back to work or staying at home, is to remember that you cannot take care of your child or your spouse if you don't take care of yourself.
Make yourself a priority.
So what might that look like? It might mean that instead of pumping 4 times a day while at work, you give your baby formula and instead spend that extra hour at the gym. I know this statement will cause controversy, but if exercise is something that is important to you, and there is no other time in the day, then make that a priority. You will be happier for it and so will your baby.
Similarly, if you are a stay at home mom, make sure that you have some type of a break in your day when you can do something to fulfill yourself. That might be having a babysitter for an hour or two so you can go to the gym or to lunch with a friend. Or if you don’t have or can’t afford help, maybe that means you do an online workout class while your baby naps or you watch an hour of reality TV. Do something that makes you feel good.
Make yourself a priority.
What I’ve found through my own experiences and through observing others is that when you are unable to take care of yourself your are more likely to be bitter and resentful when your spouse does things for himself. For example, let’s say your husband spends every Saturday morning playing golf, that’s easily a 4+ hour commitment. If you’re at home with your children during that time, then chances are you will be bitter and angry that he spent the whole morning doing something fun while you listened to your 4 and 6 year old fight over who gets to use the Easy Bake Oven first. I’m pretty sure if you have a child, you’ve had this type of experience and feeling. If you are regularly prioritizing yourself and doing things you enjoy, then the resentment and anger will likely pass quickly. However, If you don’t regularly prioritize yourself, these emotions will escalate into feelings of constant anger and resentment, and that is never a good thing.
Make yourself a priority.
While it’s important to make yourself a priority, it’s also crucial to make your spouse a priority. It’s very easy to put the entire focus of your family on your children, their activities, their routines, etc. I think this is one of the biggest challenges in a marriage (with children). There are so many ways to prioritize each other. Have a regular date night each week (or once a month) where you and your spouse go out and enjoy each other’s company without your children. I also believe it is important to take vacations without your children. This might not happen very frequently, but even a night away can help to rejuvenate you as a couple.
Make each other a priority
While date nights and vacations are great, they take time and money, which not everyone has in abundance. There are also small ways that you can prioritize each other in your daily life. One of the biggest ways is by giving your spouse the same love and attention you give your children. I noticed that when my husband was coming home each day from work he immediately gave the Mini a hug and a kiss and often times not me. While not intentional, it sends the message that your child is a bigger priority than your spouse. We now make a conscious effort to greet one another with a hug and/or kiss each time we come and go. This kind of deliberate prioritization helps to keep a strong emotional and physical connection in our marriage.
Make each other a priority.
My husband and I have achieved a great balance in our lives where each of us are able to do the things we love, we are also able to do things together as a couple and things as a family. I know that this is one of the many reasons we have a happy and healthy marriage after 10 years and will continue to for years to come. We prioritize ourselves and each other.
For most of you I hope this post reaffirms what are you already doing in your life to make yourself and your spouse a priority. Or, I hope it helps you to see an opportunity for improvement. By no means is my marriage perfect, no marriage is. But, I can assure you that thinking about yourself and your spouse as a priority will certainly help to lead you down a path to greater happiness and fulfillment.
September 7, 2016
Keeping it Real: Gratitude
After these last two weeks of travel, I’ve had a lot of time to reflect on my life and how fortunate I am. One of the things that comes along with sharing so much of my life is that you, the readers, see most of the highlights. And while I share many of the real moments and the low points in “Keeping it Real” posts, I’m sure it’s hard not to think “wow, she has it really good, what a life.”
Today I’m simply here to acknowledge how grateful I am for this life. I know that I am SO, SO fortunate, and that I do have it really good.
As you read, a few weeks ago we celebrated our 10th anniversary. One of the things that I am most thankful for is my husband. I could not have found a better person to spend my life with, and our trip last week was the perfect way to celebrate us. I am so lucky that we share the same sense of adventure, love for sport, food and travel.
This trip also reminded me how thankful I am for my health. Despite many chronic injuries I was able to do some incredible things. And while I was tired and sore, the pain was temporary. I am so grateful that my body held up through nearly 50 miles of hiking/climbing over 17,000ft of elevation in less than a week. I often get hung up on the things I can’t do, but today I am celebrating what I can do, and it was pretty awesome.
Another thing I am so, so grateful for are my parents and my in-laws. The Mini Fashionista stayed with my parents for the entire week that we were gone. I am grateful to have them as “babysitters”, but I am also so thankful that the Mini got to spend such quality time with them. I never had experiences like that with my grandparents growing up, and I think it’s such a special thing.
While we were away, my in-laws watched our dog Winston. In fact, nearly every time we travel (which is a lot), he goes to their house. I am so appreciative of their help, and I’m also so grateful that Winston doesn’t have to go to a kennel. Instead he goes on “vacation” too. They also help us with the Mini. She goes for sleepovers on a somewhat regular basis and loves spending time there. She is so lucky to have both sets of grandparents in her life, and someday I know she will realize just how lucky she is.
Lastly, I am grateful to have work that I can do from anywhere. I’m not tied to an office 8-5 everyday of the week. And while some of my work requires me to be in Portland, it doesn’t limit any of my travel. Besides my family and my health, there is nothing more important than having new experiences and adventures, especially those in the outdoors. This is really what I (we) live for. I am so grateful that both my work and my husband’s allow us to travel and have these incredible experiences regularly.
I couldn’t end this post without saying that I am grateful for this blog and the community of people that follow it, those of you that have been reading since the beginning, those of you who read regularly and especially those of you who comment! :) While it’s a platform to talk about superficial things like handbags and shoes, what I’ve found is that most of you like it even more when we talk about real things, like today’s post.
So thank you for reading today and everyday. Here’s to continued adventure, happiness and gratitude in my life and hopefully in yours too.
Today I’m simply here to acknowledge how grateful I am for this life. I know that I am SO, SO fortunate, and that I do have it really good.
As you read, a few weeks ago we celebrated our 10th anniversary. One of the things that I am most thankful for is my husband. I could not have found a better person to spend my life with, and our trip last week was the perfect way to celebrate us. I am so lucky that we share the same sense of adventure, love for sport, food and travel.
This trip also reminded me how thankful I am for my health. Despite many chronic injuries I was able to do some incredible things. And while I was tired and sore, the pain was temporary. I am so grateful that my body held up through nearly 50 miles of hiking/climbing over 17,000ft of elevation in less than a week. I often get hung up on the things I can’t do, but today I am celebrating what I can do, and it was pretty awesome.
Another thing I am so, so grateful for are my parents and my in-laws. The Mini Fashionista stayed with my parents for the entire week that we were gone. I am grateful to have them as “babysitters”, but I am also so thankful that the Mini got to spend such quality time with them. I never had experiences like that with my grandparents growing up, and I think it’s such a special thing.
While we were away, my in-laws watched our dog Winston. In fact, nearly every time we travel (which is a lot), he goes to their house. I am so appreciative of their help, and I’m also so grateful that Winston doesn’t have to go to a kennel. Instead he goes on “vacation” too. They also help us with the Mini. She goes for sleepovers on a somewhat regular basis and loves spending time there. She is so lucky to have both sets of grandparents in her life, and someday I know she will realize just how lucky she is.
Lastly, I am grateful to have work that I can do from anywhere. I’m not tied to an office 8-5 everyday of the week. And while some of my work requires me to be in Portland, it doesn’t limit any of my travel. Besides my family and my health, there is nothing more important than having new experiences and adventures, especially those in the outdoors. This is really what I (we) live for. I am so grateful that both my work and my husband’s allow us to travel and have these incredible experiences regularly.
I couldn’t end this post without saying that I am grateful for this blog and the community of people that follow it, those of you that have been reading since the beginning, those of you who read regularly and especially those of you who comment! :) While it’s a platform to talk about superficial things like handbags and shoes, what I’ve found is that most of you like it even more when we talk about real things, like today’s post.
So thank you for reading today and everyday. Here’s to continued adventure, happiness and gratitude in my life and hopefully in yours too.
August 17, 2016
Keeping it Real: Tardy to the Party
I have a number of pet-peeves, but being late is probably at the top of my list. I hate being late, and it really bothers me when others are late.
That said, I'm not perfect. There are times that I am late, and when that is the case, I make sure to alert the person who is waiting for me, even if it's going to be 5 minutes past the scheduled time. And if I cannot reach them, I am extremely apologetic.
A friend recently posted this article on FB and it really resonated with my feelings. This may ruffle some feathers, but it's true....
"All joking aside, being late is unacceptable. While that sounds harsh, it’s the truth and something that should be said more often. I don’t care if you’re attending a dinner party, a conference call, or a coffee meeting – your punctuality says a lot about you."
That pretty much sums it up for me.
"It feels like a raging epidemic, seemingly smoothed over by a barrage of “my bads,” “sorry, mans,” and “you know how it goes.” The desired response is “it’s all good,” but the reality is that it’s not okay. Here’s what it is.
Disrespectful: Being on time is about respect. It signals that you value and appreciate the other person. If you don’t respect the meeting’s participants, why are you meeting with them in the first place?
Inconsiderate: Unintentionally being late demonstrates an overall lack of consideration for the lives of others. You just don’t care.
Big-Timing: Intentionally being late is about power. It’s showing the other person, or people that you’re a “big deal” and have the upper-hand in the relationship. It’s also called being a dick.
Incredible: No, not in the good way. When you miss meeting times or deadlines, your credibility takes the trajectory of a lead balloon. If you can’t be counted on to be on time, how could you possibly have credibility around far tougher tasks?
Unprofitable: Let’s consider a scenario where five people are holding a meeting at 2 p.m. Your sauntering in ten minutes late just wasted 40 minutes of other peoples’ time. Let’s say the organization bills $200/hour. Are you paying the $133 bill? Someone certainly is.
Disorganized: If you can’t keep your calendar, what other parts of your life are teetering on the edge of complete disaster? Being late signals at best that you’re barely hanging on and probably not someone I want to associate with.
Overly-Busy: Everyone likes to equate busyness with importance, but the truly successful know that’s BS. Having a perpetually hectic schedule just signals that you can’t prioritize, or say “no,” neither of which is an endearing trait.
Flaky: Apparently some people just “flake out,” which seems to mean that they arbitrarily decided not to do the thing they committed to at the very last minute. Seriously? That’s ridiculous.
Megalomaniacal: While most grow out of this by the age of eight, some genuinely believe they are the center of the universe. It’s not attractive."
A friend recently posted this article on FB and it really resonated with my feelings. This may ruffle some feathers, but it's true....
"All joking aside, being late is unacceptable. While that sounds harsh, it’s the truth and something that should be said more often. I don’t care if you’re attending a dinner party, a conference call, or a coffee meeting – your punctuality says a lot about you."
That pretty much sums it up for me.
"It feels like a raging epidemic, seemingly smoothed over by a barrage of “my bads,” “sorry, mans,” and “you know how it goes.” The desired response is “it’s all good,” but the reality is that it’s not okay. Here’s what it is.
Disrespectful: Being on time is about respect. It signals that you value and appreciate the other person. If you don’t respect the meeting’s participants, why are you meeting with them in the first place?
Inconsiderate: Unintentionally being late demonstrates an overall lack of consideration for the lives of others. You just don’t care.
Big-Timing: Intentionally being late is about power. It’s showing the other person, or people that you’re a “big deal” and have the upper-hand in the relationship. It’s also called being a dick.
Incredible: No, not in the good way. When you miss meeting times or deadlines, your credibility takes the trajectory of a lead balloon. If you can’t be counted on to be on time, how could you possibly have credibility around far tougher tasks?
Unprofitable: Let’s consider a scenario where five people are holding a meeting at 2 p.m. Your sauntering in ten minutes late just wasted 40 minutes of other peoples’ time. Let’s say the organization bills $200/hour. Are you paying the $133 bill? Someone certainly is.
Disorganized: If you can’t keep your calendar, what other parts of your life are teetering on the edge of complete disaster? Being late signals at best that you’re barely hanging on and probably not someone I want to associate with.
Overly-Busy: Everyone likes to equate busyness with importance, but the truly successful know that’s BS. Having a perpetually hectic schedule just signals that you can’t prioritize, or say “no,” neither of which is an endearing trait.
Flaky: Apparently some people just “flake out,” which seems to mean that they arbitrarily decided not to do the thing they committed to at the very last minute. Seriously? That’s ridiculous.
Megalomaniacal: While most grow out of this by the age of eight, some genuinely believe they are the center of the universe. It’s not attractive."
August 8, 2016
Keeing it Real: I'm Back!
As you have probably noticed we have been M.I.A the last few weeks. If you follow C&C on Instagram then you saw that Katie and Dr. B welcomed Baby McB to the world on July 21st. The Mini Fashionista is beyond excited about her baby cousin and can't stop saying "she's so cute". We are looking forward to meeting Baby McB in September when we all are in Sun Valley.
Isn't she cute?
As for me....I didn't have a baby, so I have no good reason for not blogging except for life just getting busy (and a few days spent at the Oregon Coast).
Anyway, as you know, I have been writing this blog for nearly 7 1/2 years, and it's a lot of work. For many years we blogged 5 days a week, but this past year the posts have been more sporadic. After this two week hiatus I seriously considered calling it quits, but after some serious thought, and thanks to some supportive comments on our Facebook page, I've decided to stick with it.
So for today's post I'd like to "keep it real" and talk about something serious that will likely impact every person reading this. I promise the rest of the week will be less serious.
As you may have read a few months ago, I had a health scare that included a number of biopsies (post here). I have a HSA (health care plan), which includes a whopping $5700 deductible, so when I received a nearly $8000 bill from the hospital, of which I was responsible for $3900, I wanted to be sure the bill was accurate. In order to verify it, I requested a coding review through the billing department.
Have you ever requested a coding review? I hadn't either, and after my recent experience, I will request an itemized bill EVERY TIME I have a procedure or service, and if there is any question about the accuracy of the bill, I will request a coding review.
Why? Because I was charged $452 in error....and there were a number of other mistakes on my bill that I won't go into...so many that I have written a letter to the director of Legacy and the head of the hospital where I had the procedures.
Anyway, back to my point....I've read that as many as 90% of hospital bills have errors (here). I've been to the hospital too many times to count, and I'm ashamed to say this was the first time I have EVER looked at my itemized bill, and I'm guessing most of you would say the same.
So, what do I want you to take away from today's post? Ask for an itemized bill every time you go to the doctor and make sure you understand what procedures/tests are being performed so that when you receive a bill you can verify their accuracy! And don't feel scared to question it.
No one in the hospital billing department is looking out for your best interest, so you MUST be your own advocate.
Isn't she cute?
As for me....I didn't have a baby, so I have no good reason for not blogging except for life just getting busy (and a few days spent at the Oregon Coast).
Anyway, as you know, I have been writing this blog for nearly 7 1/2 years, and it's a lot of work. For many years we blogged 5 days a week, but this past year the posts have been more sporadic. After this two week hiatus I seriously considered calling it quits, but after some serious thought, and thanks to some supportive comments on our Facebook page, I've decided to stick with it.
So for today's post I'd like to "keep it real" and talk about something serious that will likely impact every person reading this. I promise the rest of the week will be less serious.
As you may have read a few months ago, I had a health scare that included a number of biopsies (post here). I have a HSA (health care plan), which includes a whopping $5700 deductible, so when I received a nearly $8000 bill from the hospital, of which I was responsible for $3900, I wanted to be sure the bill was accurate. In order to verify it, I requested a coding review through the billing department.
Have you ever requested a coding review? I hadn't either, and after my recent experience, I will request an itemized bill EVERY TIME I have a procedure or service, and if there is any question about the accuracy of the bill, I will request a coding review.
Why? Because I was charged $452 in error....and there were a number of other mistakes on my bill that I won't go into...so many that I have written a letter to the director of Legacy and the head of the hospital where I had the procedures.
Anyway, back to my point....I've read that as many as 90% of hospital bills have errors (here). I've been to the hospital too many times to count, and I'm ashamed to say this was the first time I have EVER looked at my itemized bill, and I'm guessing most of you would say the same.
So, what do I want you to take away from today's post? Ask for an itemized bill every time you go to the doctor and make sure you understand what procedures/tests are being performed so that when you receive a bill you can verify their accuracy! And don't feel scared to question it.
No one in the hospital billing department is looking out for your best interest, so you MUST be your own advocate.
May 24, 2016
Keeping it Real: Bucket List
I had a small health scare last week. All is fine, but in the moment it was scary. It made me really think about my life, about my family and about what I live for.
I have thought over and over again about whether or not to write this post. I recognize that things most people keep private I post all over the world wide web (do they still call it that?), and maybe that's a bad thing. Maybe it's not. How much information is too much information? When is it "oversharing?" As I write, I haven't yet decided the fate of this post. If you're reading this, then I decided to publish it.
Back to my "health scare". A few weeks ago I noticed a painful spot in my breast. I called my doctor. I went in for an exam, she identified it as a possible cyst, inflamed duct or lymph node, and she ordered an ultrasound and a mammogram to investigate.
Two days later I went in for the mammogram, my first given that I'm only 35. After not just one, but three "rounds" of boob squishing and uncomfortable positioning of my body around that damn machine I started to become a little worried. I then proceeded on to the ultrasound where the radiologist identified the area that I had been feeling and identified another area of concern, both of which she wanted to biopsy. This is when I started to become a lot more worried.
Three days after the initial tests I returned for the two biopsies. It was painful and uncomfortable and nerve wracking. And the worst part was waiting for the results. As I stated in the beginning of this post, "all is fine". The biopsies came back negative, and there is no cause for concern. But boy did they cause a lot of concern during those 7 days.
During those 7 days it was impossible not to think about the "what ifs". What if I have breast cancer. What if I die. What if...what if...what if.
I'm a glass half full kind of gal, so fortunately the "what ifs" didn't flood my mind for too long, but they did get me thinking about living life to its fullest and more specifically about my "Bucket List" and what things I want to experience in my life while I am young and healthy.
Here's the current version of my "Bucket List". I'm sure it will change over time, especially as the Mini Fashionista gets older. (I saw Garth Brooks in concert last year, so that has already been checked off the list)
- See Orca Whales up close in the San Juan Islands
- Take the Mini Fashionista to Sydney, Australia
- Go back to New Zealand
- Visit Machu Picchu
- Go fly fishing in Argentina
- Go hiking in Patagonia
- Spend a week at Rancho La Puerta with my girlfriends
- Visit Glacier National Park
- Drive Highway 1 down the California coast through Big Sur
- Visit the Grand Canyon
- Complete the 170K trek around Mt Blanc
- Visit Denmark, Sweden and Norway
What's on your "Bucket List" and most importantly, what are you doing to make sure you get everything checked off of it?
Oh, and as a reminder...listen to your body, when something doesn't feel right, get it checked out! :) It's better to know it's nothing early on than to find out it's something when it's too late.
I have thought over and over again about whether or not to write this post. I recognize that things most people keep private I post all over the world wide web (do they still call it that?), and maybe that's a bad thing. Maybe it's not. How much information is too much information? When is it "oversharing?" As I write, I haven't yet decided the fate of this post. If you're reading this, then I decided to publish it.
Back to my "health scare". A few weeks ago I noticed a painful spot in my breast. I called my doctor. I went in for an exam, she identified it as a possible cyst, inflamed duct or lymph node, and she ordered an ultrasound and a mammogram to investigate.
Two days later I went in for the mammogram, my first given that I'm only 35. After not just one, but three "rounds" of boob squishing and uncomfortable positioning of my body around that damn machine I started to become a little worried. I then proceeded on to the ultrasound where the radiologist identified the area that I had been feeling and identified another area of concern, both of which she wanted to biopsy. This is when I started to become a lot more worried.
Three days after the initial tests I returned for the two biopsies. It was painful and uncomfortable and nerve wracking. And the worst part was waiting for the results. As I stated in the beginning of this post, "all is fine". The biopsies came back negative, and there is no cause for concern. But boy did they cause a lot of concern during those 7 days.
During those 7 days it was impossible not to think about the "what ifs". What if I have breast cancer. What if I die. What if...what if...what if.
I'm a glass half full kind of gal, so fortunately the "what ifs" didn't flood my mind for too long, but they did get me thinking about living life to its fullest and more specifically about my "Bucket List" and what things I want to experience in my life while I am young and healthy.
Here's the current version of my "Bucket List". I'm sure it will change over time, especially as the Mini Fashionista gets older. (I saw Garth Brooks in concert last year, so that has already been checked off the list)
- See Orca Whales up close in the San Juan Islands
- Take the Mini Fashionista to Sydney, Australia
- Go back to New Zealand
- Visit Machu Picchu
- Go fly fishing in Argentina
- Go hiking in Patagonia
- Spend a week at Rancho La Puerta with my girlfriends
- Visit Glacier National Park
- Drive Highway 1 down the California coast through Big Sur
- Visit the Grand Canyon
- Complete the 170K trek around Mt Blanc
- Visit Denmark, Sweden and Norway
What's on your "Bucket List" and most importantly, what are you doing to make sure you get everything checked off of it?
Oh, and as a reminder...listen to your body, when something doesn't feel right, get it checked out! :) It's better to know it's nothing early on than to find out it's something when it's too late.
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