Keeping it Real: Comparison is the Thief of Joy

I've debated whether or not to write this post. In fact, I started writing it back in November. That's how long it's been sitting here...but I finally decided to post it.

This post is about parenting and therefore, in part, it's about my daughter. I haven't asked her permission to write about her. She's six years old and knows the word "blog", but she has no idea what it means. I suppose I'm divulging something about her that she might wish to keep private, but I believe that keeping things private isn't always for the best.

In this case, I hope that sharing will open a conversation that helps me be a stronger parent and thus have a positive impact on her. I also hope it will provide some comfort to other parents who are experiencing similar struggles. I also want to preface this post by saying that there are parents who have struggles that are far more difficult. I also recognize that this is just the beginning of the parenting challenges.

My daughter is in her third year (first grade) at the French American International School in Portland. She learns nearly 100% in French by native French speakers and has English class a few times a week. In the French curriculum, first grade marks the beginning of more focused academic studies, and therefore the beginning of reading. At the start of the school year she did not read in English or in French (besides a handful of words in each language); while some kids in her school and in traditional American schools are reading. I've been told by teachers and other parents that children learn to read at different rates. It's often equated to walking...some kids walk at nine months and others at fifteen months. Some kids read at four and other have a hard time reading at seven. Despite being told that all kids learn at different rates, it's hard as a parent to see other kids accomplish something that your child cannot. It's hard to see your child struggle.

We had our first parent/teacher conference before Thanksgiving, and our daughter's teacher started off by saying that she is inquisitive, an excellent communicator, and that she participates willingly in all classroom activities, trying new things even if they challenge her. However, her reading and writing is progressing slowly and she struggles to stay focused during academic activities.

That was hard to hear.

One of the first things that popped into my mind after the conference,  something I tell her (and myself) often, "Comparison is the thief of joy." While I can spend time agonizing over my friend's social media posts of their children reading chapter books and writing their own letters to Santa, it won't change anything. Instead, I have to celebrate her progress, which she is making, no matter how small.

If you're in a similar situation and experiencing sadness and frustration like I have....I invite you to think back to when your child was learning to walk. Did you get frustrated or sad when he/she crawled or took a step and fell down? Did you think something was wrong with your child because another kid his/her age could already walk?

NO! Instead we celebrated every baby step...every tiny step. We told ourselves, as all parents do, "eventually my child will walk." So, I'm using this analogy to help reduce the stress associated with her reading and writing struggles. She will learn. It will happen. And along the way I'm going to celebrate every baby step.

I was a "straight A student" in high school and excelled academically in college and grad school. That said, I struggled in elementary school. I rushed through my work, and I made mistakes, but through that I learned abut the importance of work ethic. That struggle, that necessity to work hard to achieve followed me throughout my teenage years and early twenties, and it's what I attribute my adulthood success too. It's okay to struggle. It teaches you to hustle. It teaches you to work hard.

So this is the dialogue I am having with myself on a daily basis..."it's okay for her to struggle. She's young. She will learn to read and write. Celebrate the baby steps". And if we get further down this path and things are still not coming together, we will get her the help she needs to learn.

We have so much love for our children that it hurts. When they suffer, we suffer. When they're emotionally depleted, we feel the same. It's that love that drives our desires for them to succeed and to excel. It's that love that keeps us up at night.

This parenting gig is the hardest job I'll ever have, and I know it will only get harder, but I wouldn't trade it for the world.