Keeping it Real: Letting Go of Friendship

One of my intentions for the new year (you can read the post here) was to focus more on the friendships that really matter...the ones that fuel my soul and leave me feeling supported and loved and warm and fuzzy.

In the process of identifying the friendships that mattered most to me, I game to grips with the fact that some of my "friendships" weren't truly friendships anymore. I struggle with letting friendships go. I think we all do. It's hard to let something go that once brought you joy and happiness. This "quote" really sums it up.

I read something once that said, "Not all friendships are meant to endure, and that's okay." I've had two friends over the last few years that have become strangers with memories. I spent time trying to make them "work", but they just haven't. I didn't feel the effort was mutual. In fact, it sometimes felt that there was no effort at all. Who knows, maybe they felt the same. It's hard not to take the losss of a friendship personally. But the reality is that life changes and friendships change and sometimes not all friendships endure, and that's okay. So despite some sadness, I've decided to move on.

In the process of moving on, I've realized that letting go of a friendship doesn't mean that I won't miss that friend. In fact, I will probably always miss them. We had good times. We made good memories. And just like with any loss, I need to allow myself time to grieve it.

With the intention of focusing on the friendships that matter most, I recently hopped a red-eye to Detroit to visit one of my dear friends for the weekend. Our time together reminded me that true friendship endures time and distance and the roller coaster that is life, and it is these friendships, the ones that leave me feeling warm and fuzzy, are the ones I should focus my energy on.

Keeping It Real: More Happy

I'm not usually one for resolutions. If you've read Gretchen Rubin's Book (or heard about it), The Four Tendencies, then you know when I say "I'm an upholder" that I don't need resolutions. Upholders respond readily to inner and outer expectations, so if I say I'm going to do something, I do it, and it can be any time of the year.

Anyway, to the point of this post....I started the year off with a nine hour drive from Sun Valley back to Portland. During that time I couldn't help but think about the year ahead and goals I have for myself, so I started writing them down in categories. Ironically I came up with nine.

1. Parenting
2. Sleep
3. Meditation
4. Hyrdration
5. Reading
6. Posture
7. Marriage
8. Connection with friends
9. Cooking

I thought about dedicating a month to each category, but I only had nine things on my list, and I didn't want to come up with three more. That seemed too much like a "resolution", and as I said...I don't really do resolutions. Since all of the categories are important to me, I don't want to prioritize them. Instead I'm being mindful of as many as I can on a daily basis. It's simply a list of things that I want to focus on in order to bring greater happiness and fulfillment to my life, and every little bit counts.

Over the next few months I'll be writing about each category, how I'm focusing on it, any challenges that arise and anything else that comes to mind.

Today I'm starting with #8. Connection with friends.

Friendship is something I have been thinking a lot about over the last year.  Like so many things in life, friendships change with time. Over the past year, there have been times when I don't feel fulfilled by my friendships, when I feel like they are failing me, when I miss what they used to be.

I'm a people person. I'm a connector. I'm a networker, and I have a big network. I have a lot of "friends", but what I've found is that this group of "friends" isn't always meeting my friendship needs. Many of the friendships are superficial, they are fleeting, they are unfulfilling and in some cases they feel one sided. This is not necessarily a reflection of the friend. More than anything it's a result of overly busy lives. I've learned that if your life doesn't run in parallel to your friend's, it makes consistent, meaningful interactions very challenging, almost impossible in some cases.

Someone recently posted this to Facebook, and it really resonated with me.

So, this year I'm focusing on nurturing and cultivating the friendships that mean the most to me, the ones that make me happiest and the ones that I care the most about. For my far away friends, that means writing more emails, sending texts, picking up the phone and even sending letters. For the friends in Portland, it means making a conscious effort to see the people that matter most to me on a regular basis. It means prioritizing a girl's night out, lunch, a walk or whatever it takes to make it fit in our busy lives.  It means putting my friendships higher on my priority list. I'm happiest when I connect with my friends. They build me up. They feed my soul. They make me happy.

I consider myself an already happy person, but there can never be too much personal satisfaction, fulfillment and happiness in one's life. So it seems like my theme for 2018 is finding more "happy" and focusing on #8 on my list will surely do that.