Keeping it Real: Digital Detox

A few months ago I took a ten day digital detox. I was feeling overly addicted to all things social media and needed a break.

For the first few days I found myself reaching for my phone and wanting to open Facebook and Instagram (which I had removed), but after a few days I felt free. I felt free from the constant pull, the constant need to connect with something beyond what I was experiencing in that moment. 

You know that feeling? The feeling you get when you sit down in a waiting room, when someone leaves the table to go to the bathroom, when you're stopped at a stop light....that feeling you get so many times a day...and in that moment instead of just "being" you feel the need to pull out your phone?

During my detox I was able to step back and observe how much social media and our addictions to our phones and computers takes away from real life social interactions. It distracts us from our family and friends and prevents us from truly being present. During my detox I noticed how annoying it is when others are constantly on their phones. It's annoying and it's rude. It was sad to admit that I had been that person too.

I didn't know how long I would stay on the detox, but after about ten days I decided that it had been enough. It didn't take long to realize that social media was just a lot of noise and distraction. That said, I missed seeing the photos of my niece. I missed seeing the mountain adventures of my friends. I missed seeing the joy and happiness of the people I love.

So I decided to go back, but on different terms. The first thing I did was to significantly reduce the number of accounts I was following on Instagram. I went from 600 to less than 200 (not all of which are active accounts). I also decided to write a "Technology Contract" with myself. Here's what it looks like.

I will not....
- Check social media on weekdays until after I take my daughter to school
- Look at social media when in the presence of family or friends
- Look at Instagram more than 3x/day
- Look at social media in bed
- Let social media take away from real life social interactions
- Look at email or social media on my phone after 9 p.m.

For the first few weeks I did a really good job of keeping to my contract. During that time I was getting what I wanted out of my social media interactions, but I didn't feel controlled by it.

And then I let things slide....I went back to looking at my phone with much greater frequency, looking at it in bed and after 9 p.m. Once again I let myself be controlled by the addiction.

While I love some aspects of social media, I want it to have a less significant presence in my life. So I'm going back to the contract, and I'm hopeful that after a few weeks of compliance it will become an effortless habit and a permanent way of life.

Anyone want to join me? You won't be sorry!

Keeping it Real

Last week got the best of me. It felt like a total disaster. I was constantly in a rush, continuously battling with the Mini Fashionista, dropping things, forgetting things, breaking things....you get the picture.

When I have those kind of days, I appreciative the power of social media to lift me up. On Wednesday I posted the following status on Facebook:

"Bad things always happen in 3's .... 1) Roller ski, get caught in a downpour. 2) Finish skiing (drenched) only to find I have locked my keys and phone in the car and am now late to pick The Mini Fashionista up. 3) In a rush, once my +1 comes to my rescue, I forget to put my poles back in the car and run them over. Awesome, Just Awesome!"

Leave it to my friends to, as I said, lift me up by suggesting things like wine and ice cream. Okay, so some of them (including my dear sister) admitted to laughing, but in hind sight it was maybe just a bit comical. However the very expensive, broken poles...not so funny. 

Some of the comments included: 

"Is it bad that I am giggling right now...I see you as such a perfectionist and its nice to know you are human"

"I also laughed, but mostly because I was thinking ditto of what (she) said, and it is reassuring that others have days like this!"

On Thursday, I posted the following picture and title on Instagram. 

My Kitchen looks the way my life feels #disaster

Again, I received lots of comments (as I expected). 

"This is my life everyday. Just roll with it girlfriend. You're the most perfect person I know, so this will definitely not cramp your style."

"Hey lady, don't stress. You taught two kick-ass classes today, ran around town, took care of your kid, cooked, cleaned...you are winning this game."

So what is my point in sharing all of this? First, I was surprised about how many people see my life as being "perfect", because I can tell you with %100 confidence, it is far, far from it. Sure, overall I've got my "S**t" together, but perfect I am not. 

So why is that their impression?

Because social media (Instagram and FB in my case) is where we display the best of ourselves, our triumphs, our best "selfies", the cutest pictures of our kids, etc. And why not? Social media is how you display your personal "brand", your image. It should be the best of you. All of this, I believe can help to build you up and make you feel better about yourself,  just as it did for me this week. 

On the flip side, social media can also bring you down. It can make you feel inadequate, ugly, fat, lazy, unsuccessful...the list goes on.

Recently C&C friend and blogger, Hilary posted this quote on her Instagram feed. 

It resonated with me simply because like many, sometimes I feel that inadequacy that results from social media. Maybe if I stopped looking at blogs, Facebook and Instagram I wouldn't feel that way... 

So again, what is the point of all of this?  Going forward, my goal is to "keep it real" on social media, just as I have here on the blog. I am not perfect, and I never want anyone (friends or readers) to feel a sense of inadequacy because of something I post or write. If you missed my previous post on this topic you can find it here. It's worth a read.  

But fear not, I promise to use a filter. You may see my dirty kitchen, screaming toddler, spilt milk, makeup free face and greasy hair, but I promise to keep the gross and personal stuff...personal and private. There is such thing as TMI! 

Keeping it Real

As you may have read, my resolution for this year, and for all the years to follow is to become less attached to my phone and my computer, primarily when in the presence of the Mini Fashionista. I want her to grow up knowing what it's like to entertain herself without watching a video, checking Facebook or Instagram, or playing Words with Friends or Candy Crush. I'm guilty of using all of the above to fill any free moment I have throughout my day.

Let's be honest, technology is an addiction. In fact, if there isn't one already, there should be a support group for technology addicts.  The meeting might start something like this, "Hi, my name is Regan. I have an addiction to social media. It's been less than a minute since my last interaction, and I'm already going through withdrawals."

Here are some quick statistics gathered by Real Simple and Huffington Post in a joint poll of 3,583 women on how smarthphones and social media affect their lives. (article here)

This article, Psychology of Social Media, breaks down these addictions. Here are the major points.

- We are programed as "hunter-gatherers". Digital devices activate those instincts and give us an emotional buzz.
- Technology is seductive, not just addictive, and our brains are uniquely vulnerable to it.
- Our brains crave constant stimulation, and technology gives that to us.
- We have become so attached to our mobile devices that we cannot be alone with our thoughts. If we don't teach our kids that it is okay to "be alone" then they will never know what it is like to feel lonely.
- Cyber-connections don't exercise the same emotional competencies that you do in person.
- There is a whole generation that isn't learning how to have a conversation and because of that they will NOT be prepared to handle real life challenges.
- We are using technology in ways that cause us to take attention off of each other, despite its ability to connect us.

So what does all of that mean for me? How do I break free from my addiction? How can we all break free? Here are some ideas that I recently implemented in my daily life.

1. Set time limits and stick to them. I set timers for the Mini Fashionista all the time. Maybe I need to set them for myself too.

2. Make Rules. Decide times that you will stay off of social media, and stick to it. Or in reverse, decide the times that you WILL allow yourself to use it (i.e. only at night once the Mini Fashionista is asleep).

3. Take a break. Sign off for a day, maybe a weekend.

4. Check with a purpose, don't just peruse aimlessly….I do this far too often.

5. Post with a purpose. Less is more. (No one wants to know that your kid vomited on you, no one)

6. Respond off-line. If it's someone's birthday, instead of writing on facebook, pick up the phone and call them, send them an email or at least send a text.

7. Disable all alerts so you are not constantly reminded of "what is waiting for you."

8. Everytime you reach for your phone, ask yourself "Is there a good reason for this?" If not, put it back down. This one has actually been my best deterrent so far. More often than not, I put the phone down, or I never pick it up in the first place.

9. Take the tempting apps off your phone, i.e. Facebook! Then the only time you can look at them is on your computer during your "allowed" times.

This is no doubt going to be a slow change for me, but I think small changes will ultimately bring big victories. As Doctor Leo Marvin (played by Richard Dreyfuss) said in the movie "What About Bob"…."baby steps, baby steps."

Who is with me?

Keeping it Real

If this post had a song, it would sound like Madonna's "Material Girl"...except the lyrics would go like this.

"For we are living in a digital world, and I'm a digital girl."

No secret, I'm a user and probably an abuser of social media: facebook, instagram and blogger. My addiction to social media is mostly because of the pictures. I love photographs. I love taking photographs, and I love looking at them. And, I like keeping up with people I don't get to see everyday.

That said, I know there are times when I need to just "step away" from the iPhone. Not every moment has to be captured and posted. Sometimes it's okay for them just to live in my memory.

After watching this video I've decided I am going to try and focus more on making memories than capturing moments. Because let's be honest, someday the technology is going to change, and the platforms we use today are going to be obsolete. That means the only memories will live on forever is in your mind and in your heart. I'd hate to miss something really good because I was trying to post it and give it a hash tag.



Are you guilty too?