Let's Talk About Sex

A few weeks ago I attended a "birds & bees & kids" talk given by Amy Lang at my daughter's school. I really appreciate that our school offers this these types of lectures, and I always try to attend.

She started the lecture by asking the parents about our experiences learning about sex and our bodies from our parents. The majority of the people had no recollection of "the talk", most said they learned from books or their friends and only a few people were taught that sex is a part of a loving healthy relationship. She recounted stories of a friend who was told sex meant "kissing with your tongue" (and subsequently thought she was pregnant for 6 months), of a friend who's parents referred to his penis as the "shamer" and a handful of other stories of misinformation.

Amy informed us that the US has the highest incidence of teenage pregnancy and STDs of any developed country, so clearly we are not doing our job educating our children about their bodies and their sexuality.

While this topic is uncomfortable for everyone, parents and children, it's a conversation that needs to be had, and Amy suggest as early as the age of five.

What does starting the conversation early accomplish? 
- It decreases the risk of childhood sexual assault (given the recent news headlines, this is reason enough to talk to your kids...no matter how uncomfortable it makes you).

- Children often receive contradictory information between their secular and religious educations, leaving them to question what to believe about sex and sometimes confusing them more. Open and honest communication about sex in families can help kids make sense of the mixed messages.

- Even if parents don’t feel competent in their delivery of sexual information, children receive and incorporate parental guidance with greater confidence than that from any other source.

- Parents remain the primary influences on sexual development in childhood, with siblings and sex education as close followers. During late childhood, a more powerful force – peer relationships – takes over parental influences that are vague or too late in delivery.

- Engaging in difficult conversations establishes trust and primes children to approach parents with future life challenges.

- Teaching about sex early and often contributes to a healthy sexual self-esteem. Parents may instill a realistic understanding of healthy intimate relationships.

Amy has written a few books herself (here) and recommends a handful of books to read to your children, beginning at a young age. Robie Harris writes the three most simple and straightforward. We own all three of them and have read the 4+ and are about to start the 7+. These books give your kids all the facts in a simple and age appropriate way.

Some of you may be shocked by this, but my 6 year old now knows exactly how babies are made. Her reaction was a bit comical at first..."you did that?...that's disgusting"...to which my response was "it's a normal part of a healthy, loving relationship." And that was that. The earlier you start the conversation, the easier and less awkward it will be. 

I feel thankful to have resources that help me to be a better parent, to create a safe and open dialogue in our family about uncomfortable topics,  to arm her with the knowledge necessary to protect herself and to have a healthy relationship with sexuality. 

wow. that's a lot for one post. If you have kids. check out the books. you won't be sorry.