Red Carpet Recap: The Oscars

Let it be said, this year was a bit of a disappointment. There wasn't anything I just died over. Sure, people looked beautiful and the dresses were stunning, but there was no major red carpet moment for me. So today I'll be providing commentary in three categories - Downright Ugly, I Expected More, and After-party Acceptable.

Downright Ugly

Jared Leto got all sorts of props for doing something different on the red carpet. The only thing I can commend him for is at least being smart enough to leave the cape to his matador outfit at home. Ole!

Heidi has now given us license to use the term "butter dress." Everything is great, but-her dress. It's like a 70s prom corsage ate a blow-up pill (you know the ones you used to put in the bathtub as a kid)and expanded all over her body.



If David Bowie and Elton John had a baby this might be what it would wear. 

The red carpet pundits were all over this Givenchy doily...I mean gown...me, not so much. And while her hair looked beautiful from behind, I HATED it from the front. I feel like I'm about to be attacked by a summo wrestler....minus about 400 pounds.

 

I'm sorry Kerry Washington, there's no amount of side slit that's going to distract me from this Versace atrociousness. Were you going for the bridal dominatrix look? 

I Expected More

Hey, Rachel McAdams I give you major props for wearing a dress that you can't wear Spanx with...girl you got it going on, and the color is stunning, but this was all you could come up with? And you know it's going to wrinkle in a hot second.

 

J-Law...I get it, you didn't want anything too big to trip over...and you're kind of a big deal these days so you just need to show up...but really? Dior letdown.

This Louis Vuitton dress on the red carpet was stunning...and then you got a wide shot and were equally STUNNED (like a taser) by the bubble hem. 

Sweet Reese. this is so hard for me to say, I expected more. You wear the same version of the same dress year after year. I still love you. Now about those diamond bracelets...

After-party Acceptable

Mindy Kaling was party in the back with this little number. I loved this. The Oscars is like a wedding, go big or go home. When else can you wear a train or gigantic origami bow flowing from your backside? My point exactly.



Jennifer Garner is back on the market and looking oh so old Hollywood glam. Bennifer who? And can we talk about her toned arms and posture. She gives the actual Oscar award a statuesque run for its money.

 

All 55 years of Julianne Moore says eat your heart out (or maybe I haven't eaten in 6 weeks because I'm on the LA Oscar diet...but you get the idea). Damn Gina. Get on with your cut-out, plunging-v self. 



Cate Blanchett's dress was gorgeous, but it wouldn't ordinarily be a favorite for me. That being said, at least she got up this morning and said, "I'm going to the Oscars," and dressed accordingly. The color is stunning and her hair and makeup were equally well-done. I would, however, counsel her to lose the starfish bracelet.

And then I shocked myself. Lady Gaga's jumpsuit was one of my two favorite looks of the night. I wish "the girls" had a little more lift, but otherwise, this is how you wear a one piece to the Oscars. A far cry from her days of steak. 



Best dressed of the night goes to Saoirse Ronan in Calvin Klein. The cut, the color, the hair, the makeup and the jewelry scream movie star. And, if you watched the red carpet on E!, you saw how charming and fun she is in person...or at least in person on TV.

 

What were your favorites from the night? Did you think it was a bit of a bust like I did?