May 14, 2015

Keeping it Real: Feeling Ugly

I've had this post "topic" in my queue for a while now, and have debated about whether I should even write it. Well, last night as I realized I didn't have a post for today and was short on new ideas, I decided it was time to just do it.

You know that I like to "keep it real", and keeping it real means sharing raw and honest content, even if it means putting myself out there in a vulnerable way.

So here goes. Lately, I have been feeling ugly. Now, please realize that in writing this post I am not looking for everyone to comment and tell me "that I'm crazy and that I am not ugly". That's not the point.

Let me backtrack a bit. It started at the beginning of March when I pulled the back hatch of the car down directly into the bridge of my nose. The blow was hard. It knocked me to my knees. I was lucky not to have broken my nose, but it did leave a big gash and a large scar. Here it is all taped up shortly after the incident.

Since then I've tried to cover up the scar with makeup, but it's nearly impossible. It's the first thing I notice every time I look in the mirror. There it is right between my eyes. And it makes me feel ugly. 

Then, a few weeks ago the Mini Fashionista and her little friend were helping me pump up the stroller tires. Once the tires were filled I bent over to remove the valve, and her little friend pulled the pump right up into the corner of my eye. Blow 2! 

What I see when I look in the mirror are scars, dark circles, a big freckle on my nose that people always mistake for "something on my nose", greasy hair and every little flaw I can come up with.

My mom will surely read this post, and mom, I want to assure you that you did a great job nurturing our self esteem, teaching us what is important and giving us the skills necessary to succeed in a tough world, so don't call me after reading this because you are worried. I promise. I'm good.

So my question...

Why is it that we mostly see the worst in ourselves, the ugly, yet others see the best?
I am a confident person. I'd call my self-esteem, pretty good, but sometimes, I find it hard to see the good, and all I can focus on is the bad.

I'm working on it.

Since you learned earlier this week that I love self-help books, I thought I would share one that is closely related to the topic of this post. This book will soon be making it's way to my bedside table.

It's never too late to boost my own confidence and self esteem. I hope that by working harder to see the good in myself, that I can teach my daughter to do the same.


  1. You are preaching to the choir.

    There are some days when I know Iook great - my clothes look and feel right, my complexion is clear, my hair does what it's supposed to do.

    Then there are those days (which I'm the middle of) when my hair looks stupid, my skin behaves like a teenager, and no matter how many outfits I try on I can't find one that looks good.

    I think we all go through that and I'm not sure why. Maybe we're feeling insecure in our relationships or at work and we're seeing that reflected back at us in the mirror. I do know that if I'm in a bad place at work or with my SO then I do feel ugly.

    The biggest issue for me when this happens is spending money on the perfect outfit or the makeup that will solve all my skin woes. That's an expensive way to feel better and in the end doesn't solve the problem.

    I'm glad you wrote about this and feel your misery. :)

    1. Thanks for sharing that I am not alone. Sometimes it's hard not to compare oneself to the people who have perfect hair, makeup, skin and are always put together.

  2. I can assure you that I only see the best in you, Regs. So bummed to read this post (and OMG OUCH!!) I think we all hit slumps occasionally and our esteem is tied to any number of them. But maybe something a mini makeover (new products from Sephora) and a mini "photoshoot" with a photog could help you see yourself in a fresh light? I agree with Anon that makeup doesn't solve the problem...but I always feel that it helps me. I always feel more fresh faced with a new dewy primer, mascara or concealer. I dont know the answer...but you are definitely beautiful inside and out.

    - Meredith

    1. Thanks Mere! I appreciate your kind words, and yes....sometimes getting gussied up helps! :)